Noone nowhere
by NoBuddy
Summary: Sephiroth wakes up in a strange place. Is he dead? Is this the Lifestream? Can he find his way back? What would become of him and his friends, Genesis and Angeal and what's the real meaning of their lives?
1. Noone

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what**** lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part 1: Noone**

For a long time he just stared at the ceiling without really seeing it. In fact he didn't even know it was a ceiling. He knew nothing. His eyes were just swept by the near-white nothingness above, without a thought, without a purpose. His senses were all in a haze, his self dormant, as if he wasn't even there. Just a human shell laying on a bed in a shady room in a shady building in a shady world that maybe didn't even exist...

Slowly the shady world reached to him and consciousness returned in small unnoticed steps. The blank board became indeed a ceiling, anonymous enough and of a withered white. There was a tiny sound somewhere, far far away as it seemed – a clock maybe, ticking its way through the deep lake of time, or perhaps it was time itself, falling like water, drop by drop from rock to rock...

* * *

_I don't know where I am. I can assume that it must be a hospital of some kind. Not a very fancy one though. This room I'm in __has just two standard beds with metallic bars, the usual nightstands and a little table with a chair. Cheap ones too. The other bed is empty at the moment, but the cover on it is tangled and the sheets crumpled, so it seems I'm not the only inhabitant of the room. Every piece of furniture looks rather old, yet clean, with discoloured surfaces of paint and faded metallic glows in the peeled portions._

_I feel like choking and I press my hand on my stomach, coughing repeatedly to clear my throat. I try to sit up on the bed and manage it unexpectedly easy – I had thought I would be unable to move, don't know why. Probably the idea of a hospital is automatedly linked to helplessness. I'm still a little dizzy though, so I grab the metal bar of my bed trying to steady myself until my vision clears enough. My mouth is dry, my breath makes a rasping noise and suddenly the sound in my ear gains substance and I turn around, following it right to the source: a small sink in which the water slowly leaks, drop by drop. There's a glass on my nightstand and I reach for it and stand up carefully, unfolding myself to my entire height and waiting for the next wave of dizziness. It comes, but seems already easier to handle. My eyes sweep over my outfit and I see myself wearing a grey shirt and some loose pants, also grey, of a light fabric. Shoulder-long bangs of hair fall around my face when I lean my head to look at myself and other locks, much longer, drape around my body, almost down to the tiled floor. It's silver. I slide my feet into the plastic slippers next to my bed and take the few steps to the sink to get some water. I seem to do fine. No wavering, no clouds in my vision. My step is firm enough now, though I still feel my knees threatening to buckle sometimes. Leaning against the sink, I turn the tap and let the water fill my glass while I watch my face into the foggy mirror with bleary eyes. I gulp the water hurriedly and fill the glass once more, then pour it down my throat. Then fill it again. Finally, my consuming thirst easies its grip a bit and I sigh, empty glass still in hand and watching aimlessly the water running in the sink. Water. Lots of it. Idly flowing inside my mind, through my ears, my eyes, my whole being. I don't know why. I frown, the little wheels in my head spinning, reaching for each other, trying to fall in place._

_Who am I?..._

_I fill the glass again and place it back on the nightstand, within reach from the bed, then turn for the door. Silver strands flow like water down my back, almost reaching the ankles. My hair. Mine._

_That's weird. I can't remember any man with hair as long as mine. But then again, on the other hand I realise I can't remember anyone at all._

_Who am I? How did I end up here? I'm not hurt, I feel quite well, there were no medical devices attached to my body or within sight whatsoever and I see noone around. What's this place anyway?..._

_I turn for the door and leave the room. If there are any answers, they're not here, inside._

* * *

Once he was in the corridor he looked both ways. One end seemed to open to a staircase, so he turned that way. There were very few people out and, as he wandered down the long hall, he peered into the wards. They were just like his, nothing unusual to be noticed. Yet, as he was going beyond them, something began to nag at the back of his mind. He just couldn't put his finger on it. 

He looked again, from one ward to another. It had something to do with them, he was sure. But...

One man sitting on a bed. He stretched his legs and put on a pair of plastic slippers – identical to his own. The man was wearing a grey night suit, just like him. The nightstand beside the bed was empty. Another room, another man, wearing the same clothes, sitting in the empty ward. And another.

Emptiness... Everywhere.

A ward where two women lay in their beds, without addressing to each other, in total silence. Dressed in identical gowns. Identical slippers on the tiled floor. Nothing on their nightstands. No... flower – flowers! A new concept –, no other clothes, nothing whatsoever.

That was it. There were no personal objects anywhere. Hastily he turned around and strode back to the ward he had woken up in. He went in, walked purposedly to the nightstand next to his bed and snatched the drawer open. Just a toothbrush and two pairs of grey boxer shorts. That was pretty much it.

He moved to the other bed and searched the nightstand. It was the same.

He took a deep breath, then leaned backwards. Walking to the large window, he looked outside.

The view seemed incomprehensible, at first sight. Everything was black, white or in various shades of grey, but he didn't notice that at first, as inside it was the same. Even his skin was ashen, almost matching the colour of his clothes. He just stood there and thought that something was definitely missing. Again, he couldn't name it, nor place it in the picture. Emptiness was slowly creeping its way inside his being and he finally pulled out of the spell and tripped backwards, letting himself fall on the edge of his bed. A wave of helplessness and despair swept over him. He wasn't going to learn who he was. As it seemed, noone knew who they were in this place, somehow he was sure of that. Feeling lost, a barely perceptible sigh left his lips.

He was a nobody.

-------------------------

**Music listened:**** Staind – „Outside"**

**And you'll be there.**


	2. Nowhere

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part 2: Nowhere**

Eventually he left his ward again and slowly dragged his feet down the corridor, half in a daze, without really seeing where he was going, just moving ahead. There were countless stairs, as he had been on an upper storey of the seemingly huge building. He was just going down, and down and down, never to stop again. Or so it felt.

Yet at some point he reached the ground. There were wards there as well. He wandered through the hall for a while, then, something catching his eye, he went purposedly to one of them and stood in the door sill. Inside, a nurse was tending some patient and he realized she was the first person from the medical staff he saw there.

„Excuse me," he said, „I need to talk to a doctor. Could you direct me, please?"

The nurse didn't seem to hear him. Or she was so absorbed in whatever she was doing that she didn't pay attention to him.

„Excuse me?" he tried again, a little louder this time. „Where can I find a doctor? I really need to talk to one."

Again, no answer. This was frustrating. He felt the anger building up inside him and clenched his fists, arms stuck along his body.

„Lady, I'm talking here! Could you please pay a little attention to me?" he almost shouted.

Slowly, she raised her head and gazed in his general direction, but her eyes seemed strangely unfocused. As if she were... as if she were blind. But she couldn't be. Her eyes scanned the door space for a few moments, then she returned to her previous job, tending to her pacient.

Was it even possible that she didn't actually see him?...

„Hello?" he tried again hesitatingly, watching her in disbelief and suddenly feeling a chill running up his spine. „Can you hear me?"

No sign.

He came closer and waved his hand before her very eyes. They flickered a bit, going unfocused again for a moment or so, then she went back to work. A wave of helplessness flooded him and he slumped against the wall next to her, repressing an urge to simply whimper like a lost child.

* * *

_But I don't want to be here! And I don't even know where this 'here' is. And I don't know where I was before, either. I have to find a doctor. They should know everything there is to know about this place._

_Or maybe not?... What if they don't?_

_Or if they won't even see me, either?..._

_But I'm here – and I'm part of whatever is happening here. Yet I've seen no doctor anywhere. This shouldn't mean there are none. I've seen no nurse until I met this one as well. There have to be others. But there's no reception in the hall, no room for doctors, not any other facilities whatsoever, not here, not on the other storeys I've already seen when I was coming down the stairs. What the hell is wrong with this place?_

_A few doors away from me, a hospital attendant pushes a litter out of a ward. On it there's a silhouette, entirely covered with a sheet. Someone died. He goes down the corridor and I stand still, dazed, my eyes following him. He disappears around the corner. Oh well, after him! I run in hot pursuit, but as soon as I reach the corner myself, he's already gone and I can't find him anywhere. As if he vanished into thin air or sunk beneath the floor. I feel a grudge rising inside me and I go back reluctantly into the main hall. I push the front doors and step outside the building. I couldn't quite comprehend what I saw earlier from the window of the ward I was in. It looked surrealistic. But then, everything here looks surrealistic to me. I have to see it now, at eye's level. There were people outside when I looked before. Maybe I will find someone to enlighten me after all._

_I can see there are a few steps to go down and then there are alleys in all directions. They are wavy and mazing, all coated with asphalt. In fact there's asphalt everywhere, as far as I can see, no patch of ground visible, though there are a few trees, all black, with scorched, blackened leaves hanging here and there._

_Leaves shouldn't be like this. They... should be different. I don't know how, I can't remember and it itches me, it's like a growing headache. I'm trying hard to see them as they should be, but it's in vain, I only know they should be... different in some way. I randomly choose an alley to walk on and let myself carried by its numerous wavings around countless fountains and rounded pools. They are everywhere. This is what I saw from above and couldn't understand. Small waterfalls on marble or cement steps. Curved elements surrounding the edges of the fountains, like overlapped benches, sometimes three rows of such wavy strips bordering a single pool. People are there on them, all around. Sitting in perfect silence in their grey outfits on the white or grey steps, idly wallowing their feet in the shallow water. Some of them lie on these stone benches. From above it looked to me like some surrealistic animated picture with all kinds of curved strips waving in all directions, all of it in black, white and in-between shades of grey._

_And then there's the stifled sound of water, everywhere. Slowly flowing, murmuring in the small ponds, purling against their edges. Reflecting the whitish sky above in such a dull way. These people gaze into it like hypnotized. I don't see anyone talking to others. And I'm not happy about it. Would they talk to me instead? Would they even see me, to begin with?..._

_Oh they can see me, alright! As I try to approach them, their eyes sweep over me indifferently and they don't say a word in response to my queries. Maybe my words don't even reach their minds, or only partly. The real answer is written in their eyes, freezing me, and it says: there's no sense in asking questions, or answering them. Talking is pointless. Trying to do anything at all is only futile._

_But I can't take this. I won't. I walk purposedly, trying to find a way out. I'm doing it for some time now, a long while I guess, because I start to feel exhausted. Maybe I had been weakened before this, anyway, and it hasn't been that long after all. I don't know. The wavy alleys don't help me. Weren't the hospital's building so large that it's within sight all the time, I couldn't even keep my direction. On the other side I just seem to move in circles anyway. The distance to the building doesn't seem to increase, though I tried to walk as straight as I could, in the opposite direction. It's just there's no way out, somehow I know that. From time to time I try again to address someone, but it's useless. I never get any response from them. I can't help feeling the despair tugging at my soul._

_But no, I won't give up._

_Yet, after what it seems like hours of aimless walking, my feet a sore, I throw myself onto a marble bench and sink them with a sigh in the water, dropping my slippers on the edge. Next to me there's a girl with short black hair and I don't really pay attention to her, at least at first. I just move my feet through the water, starting little waves that break into circles on the surface. Water seems black – it's because of the asphalt bottom of the pond. My hair slips to my sides and a few strands reach the little waves and float on them, slowly spreading around my feet. I pull them out and let the water drip from them, but it doesn't seem to be that much of it._

_I turn to the girl and try:_

„_Hello? Can you hear me?"_

_Her eyes come to rest on my face. She can hear me, yes. She doesn't say a word though, just like the others. I'm all tired of this._

„_Please talk to me. What is this place? ... Please."_

_Nothing._

_I'm sick and tired. So tired._

_Suddenly I feel like losing it again and before I know I just grab her by the shoulders and give her a few shakes._

„_Say something, will you? Are you already dead, all of you, or what!"_

_She takes a deep breath and then her mouth opens – oh wonder! Will she speak?_

„_What IS this place?"_

_Her breath sounds almost rasping. Then she finally utters in a low, quiet tone:_

„_This is the Terminal. But if you're here, then you surely know this already."_

„_No I don't!" I snap in anger. „How should I know it?"_

_She just watche__s me with impassive eyes and I suddenly feel ashamed. She should have got angry as well and snap back at me, but she didn't. Why didn't she? Why is she looking at me so unmoved, as if she weren't even upset, as if she doesn't care at all?_

„_I... I didn't want to yell at you." __I stammer. „I..." Why is it so damn hard to say that I am sorry? Am I such a proud man to not admit my own wrongdoings? If this is the case, then it's a foolish pride._

„_I wanted to say that I was sorry. It's not your fault I'm lost in here."_

_There, now __I told her even more than I wanted to. I didn't have any intention to say that I felt lost. But it is true and it has just erupted from me._

_Yet her eyes __are still two frozen lakes. Like she didn't consider the possibility that it could be her fault anyway – and more, she somehow doesn't even have the concept of fault._

„_What is your name?" __I ask again._

_She just stare__s at me for a while, as if the question has to travel through vast empty spaces to reach her. Then she finally utters:_

„_I don't know."_

_A long silence again, and then she add__s reluctantly, with the vague mien of someone stating an obvious truth:_

„_Noone does here. Do you?"_

_T__he question was just rhetorical, I think._

„_No, I__... don't. And it drives me crazy!" I pause. „No, more like it pains me." Another statement I have this strange feeling I wouldn't have made to anyone before, or almost anyone. Not to a perfect stranger like her, anyway. But somehow, here, it looks like I'm at the end of everything and lies or concealed feelings seem so pointless._

„_Can't you tell me more, please?" __I plead rather dejected. „What's this place and what is going on? Why are we even here?"_

_Her eyes flicker a bit, going unfocused again__ in that oh so very well-known way, as if she couldn't take in too many questions at once. I should take it slowly. It's maddening, but I will NOT let go of her, the only one who finally acknowledged my existence. I'm not sure I would be able to get another one to go that far._

„_What does this ‚__Terminal' thing mean?" I ask her patiently. I know it may be a torture for her and I even feel sorry for that, but I'm in need of answers. I need them badly, so I have to go on with this._

_She gazes aimlessly at the white sky._

„_This is the place where we wait to die."_

„_But... but it's a hospital."_

_She seems unmoved._

„_This is just an image inside your mind. A... convention of some sort. It's not the usual kind of hospital."_

„_So. Now I understand. It really is a terminal. A place for those who leave. Where you don't get medication and there's no need for doctors. Everyone dies alone, so you're only seen and taken care of by those who tend the ward you're in, or something."_

„_That's the thing, yes. Just as long as you remember they're just images in your mind. Like shadows on a running water."_

_Oh, I guess I was just thinking loud. Or maybe she just heard my thoughts and answered them._

„_So other people can see a different thing. Anything else. We're in a realm of shifting shadows."_

„_It's true. But most of us like the idea of being taken care of; helped along the way. So, for these many, it's a hospital."_

„_I see. There's no sense in asking you why you're even here. You don't remember."_

_She's talking much easier now, yet somehow she doesn't appear more open than before. Her gaze still swept away, her face expressionless._

„_I think we choose to not remember. We're here to stay and wait and that's what we are doing. That's why they don't answer to you. They're ready to go and they don't want to be disturbed."_

„_But I do want to remember! And I do want to get away from this place! Why am I even here?" I snap again, waving my arms with a sudden outburst of sheer fury._

_This time she winces and even recoils to avoid a collision with my hands. I draw them at my chest, suddenly ashamed again. I even feel a flush spreading over my face._

„_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I wasn't going to hurt you."_

_I just seem to be bad-tempered, angered over feeling lost and not very polite._

„_You harmed me already." __she says in all calmness. „ You couldn't do it worse than you already did. I was prepared to go and you stopped me and brought me back to life. We are here to die and you didn't let me leave on my way."_

_Her words are harsh and should be bitter – and yet her voice doesn't even sound reproachful._

_Now my mouth opens itself to utter I don't know what words. I hate to say I'm sorry and I don't even want to say it again. It sounds so lame and pointless. I realise she's right. I did harm her already._

_Maybe I should just shut up and leave them alone. Maybe I should take my place between them and wait patiently for my own leave. But..._

* * *

As sorrow and despair swept over him again, his eyes – and hers – were attracted by the growing effervescence of the water around their feet. As if it was disturbed by a ground spring bubbling its way to the surface.

Something began to show up at the black bottom of the pool and they gazed in stunned silence at the way a silhouette was slowly detaching itself from the asphalt layer.

It was as if the man was going up a stair, step by step, his body appearing progressively from the pool's bottom. Then his head emerged from the water. And he kept rising. If before that the world had looked dull and monochrome in the silver-haired man's eyes, now, compared to this apparition, it got so much dimmer he almost expected it to dissolve in itself any moment. The man was blond, with short, wavy hair and eyes of a blue so bright and clear as the morning summer sky, a sight that made the long-haired one let a sigh escape his lips. It was only now, seeing this man's eyes, that he recalled there were skies of a colour like that and he had watched them before.

His clothes were also colored: he was wearing a light chequered shirt in blue and white and beige pants. And what was weird was the fact that, continuing to rise from the water, he and his clothes remained dry, his hair and sleeves even waving a little in the almost imperceptible gust of wind. And he looked as if he was lit up by sun.

Oh yes. By sun. Yes, sun definitely existed, now that he had come to think of it. Maybe in another universe. Not in this one for sure. But there was sun somewhere else, in other worlds – where that man came from – and its light was beautiful and could warm one's soul.

„An angel." the silver-haired stuttered. It was all too clear now. Maybe he didn't exactly looked like one – he seemed more like the ugly kind of blond, with eyes a little bulging and a rather large nose, but hey, who would be picky at a colored apparition, lit by an invisible sun and rising from the dull grey water of an asphalt pond? Not him, for sure.

Now this man had risen from the water up to his knees and was slowly turning around to face them. And she was looking at him as if she knew him before.

„You." she said.

He just bowed his head to her with a slight hint of a smile, much more of it in his eyes than on his face.

„I came to take you back." he said, his voice quiet, tender though. „It is not yet time for you to die." And he stretched an arm towards her.

„But I...? What about me, I want to come too!" the silver-haired cried decidedly, already lunging to grab the man's other arm.

He only smiled some more, while starting to lower back into the water, taking them down with him.

„You come as well then, Sephiroth."

* * *

**Oh well, this was a ****hard one to write and I may have ruined it anyway. You tell me.**

**Music:**

**Rob Dougan – „Clubbed to death" – Kurayamino Mix**

**Yuki Kajiura – „To nowhere"**


	3. Back to where it all began

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**Massive CC spoilers on this one. The English translation of the CC lines belongs to Silenttweak. Bow to you, man! Also many thanks go to LD and Glau; their help really means a lot to me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part 3: Back to where it all began**

„What did you call me?..."

- - - - -

„What did you just call me?. . . . .

- - - - -

Suddenly he felt like falling backwards. Somewhere ahead the blond's lips were moving, but there were no sounds to be heard. His face was growing smaller and farther as the silver-haired man was forever swept back in the tunnel of darkness. Falling.

„_Tell me what you cherish the most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away."_

A tornado of images and voices swept over him, exploding into shards that tore him apart, broke him into shards as well.

Everything was coming back to him.

* * *

„_The company has decided that Genesis and Angeal be assassinated."_

„_That's why I will also be going."_

„_To kill them?..."_

Zack's incredulous face turned to him with a deep frown.

- - - - -

„_«The mysterious abyss 'tis the Gift of the Goddess_

_In pursuit of this gift we take flight_

_Within the heart's water surface_

_A hopeless wander will flow_

_Like ripples to waves come forth the dreams below.»"_

Genesis, with his book. A peaceful moment on the Junon Cannon. Before all Hell broke loose.

- - - - -

„_So it's true. You two really are in league with Hollander."_

„_Why have things turned out this way?"_

Misunderstandings. Questions without an answer.

- - - - -

„_According to the reports here... it states that Genesis is deteriorating. And that's not all."_

„_Clones?"_

The frightful thing.

„_Hollander. So you were here after all."_

„_Who do you think will stop Genesis and Angeal's deterioration?"_

Deterioration.

_**Deterioration**_...

- - - - -

„_«Generously you are blessed with the Goddess' love._

_To hate the world, even as heroes.»"_

„_«Loveless»? You haven't changed."_

How he wished nothing of this had ever happened!

„_The three friends are now gathered. One becomes the prisoner. One will take flight. The last remaining friend becomes the hero."_

„_That's quite a story."_

If this Loveless thing had anything to do with all of this, anything at all... what was to be done? He wished he could just reach Genesis in two large steps and hold him. And never let him go. And then look for Angeal, both of them.

„_If this were a play, would I take the role of the hero? Or would you?"_

„_You can be the hero if you want.",_he stretched his arm to Genesis, his eyes, his whole being a silent plea. He just wanted back the times of their friendship.

„_Oh. Your fame should have originally been mine."_

„_How pointless."_

„_What I truly wish to obtain is the «Gift of the Goddess»._

At that moment Genesis' mouth had twitched in the slightest hint of a smile. In fact it was more in his eyes, together with the sorrow – and with the unmistakable affection that had united all of them before and it was still there. It would always be there, no matter what.

- - - - -

„_I've become a monster. As a monster, the only thing I can think of doing is world conquest or revenge."_

„_You're wrong. Wings don't make you a monster."_

„_If that's so, then what are these?"_

„_Wings of an Angel."_

„_I see. Then, as an Angel, what goals should I have? What dreams should I have?"_

Angeal was shouting his own pain and sorrow to the sky and they were watching him – Zack, right in front of him, not knowing what to say, to do, how to help; he and Genesis somewhere in the back, where they had followed on his voice.

„_Angels only have one dream."_

„_Please tell me."_

„_To be human."_

_- - - - -_

„_Sephiroth! It's been like what, 100 years?"_

Maybe even longer. Or so it felt, with all that had happened.

„_Genesis clones have shown up all over the world."_

„_Is Genesis really dead?..."_

Zack was already carrying around Angeal's sword at the time and for Sephiroth to see that was heart-wrenching. A constant reminder of his friend's death. Yet he couldn't be mad at the boy, even as he knew Zack had had to deliver the final blow himself. He knew it had torn him apart as well.

And though he also knew already that the boy was pure at heart and had proven himself worthy of his trust, he urged him to leave.

Because far ahead on the cannon there was a one-winged silhouette in a red cloak, clutching a purple apple in his stretched hand.

„_«Your desire_

_The Goddess' Gift shall foster a life_

_Your story shall be told_

_Your sacrifice and the world's end_

_Like the wind that blows over the secret water surface_

_Gently and certainly.»"_

_- - - - -_

„_...At one of the mako reactors monsters have appeared... We haven't been able to contact even the SOLDIERs sent near the location. The company has decided to send other SOLDIERs to investigate the situation. You and I will be going."_

„_Roger.",_said Zack. But he looked doubtful.

„_What's wrong?", _he inquired.

„_Well you know, you'd think there'd be more information than that."_

„_The SOLDIERs that we lost contact with... earlier they reported they had seen some kind of strange pods... We have no choice but to go... Even old friends didn't tell me anything. Depending on when, even I might be discarded by ShinRa."_

And he couldn't deny that somewhere, deep inside him, he felt almost relieved. He didn't care anymore. He would be able to go find Genesis, and maybe, just maybe, if they put their pieces together, they would be able to get to the bottom of all this. Because something was definitely going wrong.

„_Hmpf. But until then I'm still an obedient SOLDIER of ShinRa."_

_- - - - -_

The three MPs snapped to attention, as he was striding towards them. One of them wasn't wearing his helmet – a blond boy with a round childish face and cerulean eyes. He didn't pay him any attention. People do things like these all the time – they pass by other people without even noticing them, not knowing they've just met their nemesis. He had done the same.

„_By the way, where are we going?"_

„_Nibelheim."_

_- - - - -_

„_It's been a while since you've been back to your hometown, right? How does it feel? I don't have a hometown of my own so I wouldn't know."_

Angeal and Genesis had taken him to Banora so many times in the past and the little town had become to him like an adopted hometown. But still it wasn't quite the same. Yet Nibelheim had already given him that distinct sensation of deja vu. Zack had caught him watching through the inn's window the strangely familiar view. He didn't know at the time that he had been born and brought up in his early years in that very place. How ironic! He had been going in a circle all of his life and now the circle's ends would meet right there in Nibelheim, where it had all begun.

„_What about your parents?"_Zack inquired.

„_My mother's name is Jenova. She died right after she gave birth to me..."_

As he was walking away, his mako-enhanced hearing caught Zack's confused voice muttering, a few steps behind him:

„_Sephiroth's mother's name is Jenova? Hmm!"_

The boy knew something, but at the time he didn't pay attention. If he had and asked him what that was all about, there was no telling how different the things would have worked out.

- - - - -

„_Th-This is?",_ Zack had stuttered, in shock.

„_Normal SOLDIERs are humans who have been showered in mako. You're different from regular people, but even still, you are human. Although, what are these? Compared to regular SOLDIERs like you there's a much higher concentration of mako in these ones."_

„_These are monsters?", _Zack's pained, horrified voice. Not understanding. Yet.

„_That's right. Hojo of the ShinRa Company is the one who created these monsters." _And himself. It was all too clear now. _„By using mako energy he created these unnatural living monsters."_

„_A normal SOLDIER? Aren't you one?..."_

And that was the moment when he had first collided with Jenova. A howling whirlwind of pain erupted inside his skull and he clutched it with both hands, almost collapsing to his knees. Somewhere far, far away he could still hear Zack's worried voice calling for him. His vision was blurred, waving like water; he felt Zack's arms trying to support him while he was staggering helplessly on the platform, but something inside him couldn't stand the human presence next to him, not anymore... he just pushed him aside with one powerful shove of his hand.

„_I can't be, I'm also?... Was I also created the same way? Are you trying to say I'm the same as a monster?"_

The pain was excruciating. Liquid fire, cold as ice and burning at the same time, was spreading through his whole body and in his mind a long-frozen presence was hissing venomous words. It was Jenova, he knew that now, the ultimate calamity, the greatest monster of them all, finally reaching him, trying to crush his mind. He knew nothing about it at the time, he was the proud General of the ShinRa army, thinking he was in control of something, of his fate, partly at least... They were all the proud people, believing they controlled their lives. Mere puppets, all of them.

Jenova had been awake ever since it was discovered. Or maybe it had never slept, maybe it had just waited patiently there, in that stratum where it had lain for two thousands years, tenaciously trying to lure some stupid human being to come to it. And when it finally happened, it fully entered their minds and manipulated them to take the path it wanted them to walk on: and thus, in only a few decades, a small weapon company like ShinRa had been ‚guided' to discover mako and its benefits, quickly growing into what it was today: the ruthless, world-dominating power. Supported by an elite class of soldiers, superhumans enhanced with mako and the monster's very own cells.

Oh, Hojo had proven gold for Jenova alright. His creation, the most powerful men: SOLDIER. And in SOLDIER, at its peak, the three of them: Angeal, Genesis and himself. Their lives torn apart, everything they loved or believed in twisted and thrown back in their faces, themselves, three proud men at the whims of a merciless alien, crushing them from the inside.

„_Ever since my childhood I could feel it. I was different than other people. I always thought I had some kind of special purpose. But I didn't think it would be something like this. Am I even human?..."_

„_Unfortunately no. You are a monster. Sephiroth, you were born out of the Jenova Project, the greatest monster of all."_

Genesis had descended from above and was now standing on the stairs, his hair grayish, his wing almost drooping, his clothes tattered. When he had left, long before, in another era, in another lifetime, Sephiroth made him promise he would tell him the truth when he found it. No matter what. No matter how twisted or unbelievable it would be. Or cruel.

„_Genesis!" _Zack cried from where he had been thrown by Genesis' still powerful Firas_. „So you were alive after all."_

Genesis turned to him in a short, menacing move, his eyes pinning him down with a terrible look. Then he just brushed one hand over the withered skin of his cheeks.

„_In my current condition, can you even say that I am?"_

„_What does the Jenova Project have to do with me?" _Sephiroth demanded

„_The Jenova Project is the general name for the experiment. The experiment that used Jenova's cells."_

„_Using mother's cells!"_

„_Pitiful Sephiroth! You've never met your mother before and the only thing you ever heard was her name, right? I have no idea what she looks like, but what I do know is that Jenova is from a stratum discovered 2000 years ago. A monster."_

He cringed with a moan, remembering some other moment in the past when Genesis had voiced his doubts. _„I wouldn't trust that Hojo creep to ask him what the time is and you think he would tell you who your parents truly were! Get real!"_

Now he just sat on a step, visibly tired, his wing hanging at his side, feathers spread over the cold metal. He had kept his promise. What was left of the three friends had gathered again. One had already taken flight – and the two of them were both prisoners. There was no hero in that forsaken place, no glory and no pride.

„_Sephiroth, lend me your strength. Otherwise my deterioration won't stop."_

He just stood there in a daze, stunned by what he had heard, unable to move.

„_Soldier 1st Class Sephiroth!",_ Genesis demanded, and he painfully snapped to attention almost unconciously, with another heavy sigh, his eyes sweating green.

„_Angeal was born out of Jenova Project G. Just like me, born a monster. Jenova Project S was... a project created to make the perfect monster."_

„_What is there I can do?"_

„_...Your deterioration won't happen. Lend me your cells. «Your desire, the Goddess' Gift shall foster a life»", _he said and he extended his arm with a purple apple in his hand to Sephiroth, who just looked at the huge door upstairs and another tormented sigh escaped his lips, the monster's image flashing through his mind – he, Jenova, Genesis, even Zack, exposed to this as well, together with the creatures in the pods, all as one, all monsters – and then it wasn't even him speaking again, already. Somebody else, or maybe _something _else was moving his lips, his hands, his whole being, as he said:

„_Are you trying to confuse me with everything you've just said? Or is it, what I have been looking for is the „truth"? Whichever it may be, go decay.", _and his hand moved all by itself, cruelly knocking the apple from Genesis' palm. He registered the expression of utter shock and genuine hurt on Genesis' face when he turned away and left. And, as his steps resounded on the metal while he was carried away by an alien force, he could still hear Genesis behind him. He didn't even sound reproachful. Just resigned. As if he knew what was happening to him.

„_I understand. It's to be expected of a perfect monster. «The end of the world is brought by the duel of the beasts. The Goddess shall fall from the darkest sky, spreading her wings of light and darkness. She shall lead us to our paradise, along with her gift.»"_

From that moment on his memory was all in shards. Images and sounds mixed together in a discordant, tumultuous blur, a colored, noisy tsunami sweeping over him – a roaring blaze everywhere he turned, everything hideously painted in yellow and red by the consuming flames, the slashing of the Masamune, its blade glowing red as well, from blood and the reflection of the flames; the cries, the agony, the dead bodies scattered all around. Zack shouting something unintelligible at him, his Masamune slashing through Zack's body as well... the alien's twisted shape in a tube, with hair like his, with tentacles all around and the mocking image of two tattered appendages resembling wings on its back... its venomous words hissed in his mind, driving him crazy, never fading away... the blond kid, with Zack's... no, with _Angeal_'s Buster Sword, stabbing him from behind, the alien's rage, the Masamune again, coldly glimmering in the eerie light, the final fall. To rest. Peaceful, at last.

- - - - -

And then again, the maddening voice. The blond, others. Another fight. Another death.

- - - - -

And then again, the maddening voice. The pain. The sorrow. The blond, a young man now. Another fight.

„_Tell me what you cherish the most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away."_

It had all come to this.

* * *

„Sephiroth, wake up. Wake up, Sephiroth! You must come around, we can't spend much time in this place. Wake up already."

The voice was demanding, yet caring and with a mild accent. His eyes cracked open and he saw the other blond and the dark-haired girl beside him, on their knees. He was sitting on a rock, in his dull grey hospital clothes, his long silver hair spread all around him – he must have collapsed at some point – and their hands were supporting him. He cringed unconsciously and waved his arms to push them away.

„Don't touch me!" he almost sobbed, distressed. „Stay away from me! I'm a murderer."

* * *

**Music listened in the making of this:**

**AFI – „This time imperfect"**

**Linkin Park – „What I've done"**


	4. Dance with the devil

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**CC spoilers ahead**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part 4: Dance with the devil**

„Stay away from me!"

„No.", said the blond.

„If you knew who I am, then you should have left me there to die. I am not worthy of salvation, now I know."

„Sephiroth, stop it."

Sky-blue eyes pinned him down with a look that bore no sign of horror or resentment. The girl wasn't looking at him at all but nor had she let herself be pushed away and she was still supporting him.

„Someone would have come for you anyway.", the blond said quietly.

„Who would come for a murderer?"

„Those who love you no matter what, of course.", he answered matter-of-factly. Then his eyes met Sephiroth's again and there was so much light inside them, so much acceptance and calmness that stroke him like a lightning.

„Sephiroth, please try to remember. This is important. Think well! I know it's hard, Jenova mixed you up and you don't know anymore what was real and what wasn't, but you have to put the pieces back together to be able to move on. What happened when you left the reactor? What do you see?"

Sephiroth felt almost nauseous.

„I..." he choked. A wave of cold sweat erupted through his pores, his whole body shaking with dizziness.

The blond motioned for the girl.

„We have to move him into the light." he said.

She just nodded and they both began to ease him up, each carrying him by an arm. He peered around with bleary eyes. They were in some sort of an underground cave which looked like an obsolete subway tunnel. Old tracks were even visible here and there through the water – there was a torrent, or maybe more than one, falling from the ceiling and running through the tunnel. The water was crystal clear and shiny, as rays of sun were dancing on its surface in myriads of patterns. There were large holes in the ceiling through which the sun was pouring its light unhindered – and through the holes the blue sky could be seen, pure and deep, without the slightest trace of a cloud.

Sephiroth wouldn't even see where he was stepping, as he couldn't take his eyes off the sky above, completely mesmerized. He let himself be taken to a spot that was right beneath one of the holes, so when they helped him sit down again he was bathed with the light and its warmth, while his feet were caressed by that strange water – so soft, so aerial, that it wouldn't even feel wet on his skin. He didn't pay attention to that though. He was too dazzled by the exquisite feeling of warm shine on his face, on his whole body.

„There." he heard the blond. „Feeling any better now?"

He nodded, grateful.

„Th-thank you."

„I'm happy it helps you. When you feel up to it, try to think of what I've asked you. It is really important to remember – for you, I mean."

Sephiroth tried to focus his regained memory to those dark moments, though reluctantly. It felt easier now, as he could practically feel himself drawing new waves of strength from the light descending over him. The past was rolling towards him in moving pictures, slowly falling in place. Piece by piece.

„I... am outside the reactor." he mumbled in a daze. „I feel myself again. The pressure on my mind is gone for now."

„Go on. You're doing fine."

„I... don't know how I ended up here. I'm somewhere at the reactor's back, alone. The guards that came with me are on the other side; I left them at the foot of the main stairs. That girl... the guide, must be with them."

„That's right. What do you see?"

„It's... uh, I'm..." a tormented sigh escaped his lips. He bit them, anxiously.

„Take your time to sort it out. You have to focus well enough. There, I'll help you." and the blond man took Sephiroth's hand in his.

Suddenly it was as if a dam was broken. The memories flooded him like a tsunami. Like the water that ran through the tunnel, over his feet, a waterfall of sparkling light.

* * *

_Genesis is there, just a few steps away. He lies on the ground, all worn out and his wing is folded back into his body, leaving just an irregular dark shape on his red coat. I rush to him and lift him up. „You're back." he stammers. I feel relieved that I have found him, but I'm pained by what I did to him. I ask him to forgive me and try to explain that I wasn't myself, I wouldn't have rejected him like that if I had been. He says he knows and it's alright. I ask him where to go and he tells me that we should fly back to the manor while we can. But he's already too exhausted and weakened and he can't do it by himself. I put my left hand around his slender waist. His gaunt face comes to rest on my shoulder; his raspy breath feels hot against my skin and he looks almost... scrawny somehow, while I secure my arm around him._

„_This might prove to be a bumpy ride, if that... thing reaches me again. Genesis, hold on to me the best you can, you hear me?" I instruct him._

_He nods tiredly and locks his arms around my neck, holding as tightly as he can – and next thing we're up in the sky. I still haven't figured out why he uses that wretched wing for this. We could always fly well enough without such an unnatural appendage. I feel him slowly going slack against me and I try to keep him conscious by talking to him._

„_Why do you use that thing to fly?" I ask him. If that's a reminiscence of the monster he's talking about, then I wouldn't use it in a million years._

_His voice is stifled and he hardly whispers that the Goddess told him the wing has nothing to do with Jenova. It's supposed to be something belonging only to ourselves. He says I surely have a wing as well and it will show up at some point. And that we've always used them for flying without even knowing we had them in the first place. I still don't understand how you can fly with just one wing. But I've always trusted him – and I trust him now, so I take his word for it._

_I make sure noone sees us as we descend from above and land at the manor, where he directs me to an entrance in the back. He knows the place, it's here he has been staying for the last few days, knowing I was to come to Nibelheim as well. I ask him how he knew and he dazedly mumbles something about a vision from the Goddess. He directs me to the library in the basement where he has spent hours on end searching through the records left by Hojo, as it seems. In a small adjacent room there's a narrow bed and a small desk, filled with books and files. I put him on the bed and proceed to remove his cloak, the military gear and boots._

_The sight of his torn and emaciated body makes me cringe on the inside. As I take off his coat, he starts to shiver with coolness. He's much more sensitive to it now. I take a blanket and wrap it around him as tight as I can to warm him up._

_He's the only family I've got right now and I don't want to lose him too. Angeal's gone and I can't stand to think of this, not even now, after all this time; I miss him so badly that it's like a constant pain in the back of my mind. And now Genesis is ill. I try rubbing his back and arms to warm him up some more, but he's still trembling feverishly, so eventually I cast a spell. The whole room is suddenly filled with the dazzling light of a powerful magic discharge and the air heats up with a hissing sound. Finally I feel him starting to relax – and I relax myself a bit._

„_Gen, you said you know this place. I need medical equipment for blood transfusion. Do you know where I can find such things in here? Are there any?"_

_How ironic! It's the monster's cells that keep him going – now I know – and I've always had them. This is what helped him in the past when he got injured that day in our spar, which now seems like years ago, and this is the one thing that should help him now as well. We have to fight this monster, but at the same time it seems we can't live without it. If I had known this back then, if _**we**_ had known it, what would we have done? Was there something we could have done?... I watch him worried. His eyes are glazed and ringed, his skin looks ashen; even his hair falls limply on the pillow on which his head is resting now._

„_Oh, and you need to eat something to gain some strength. Is there any food left in this place?"_

_He nods weakly and explains to me in a low mumble how to get to the underground labs and where the food supplies are stored. I don't want to leave him alone too long, so I move as fast as I am able to. This place is gloomy. The mansion hasn't been inhabited for years, but it's not that. It's gloomy in itself, yet it also gives me this spooky feeling that it's not the first time I see it, I don't know why. When I get to the labs the feeling is even more present and I almost feel a chill running up my spine. But I don't have time for this. Genesis needs me and I have to find that medical stuff I want. I search the place, gathering the needed items and trying to ignore the creeps this kind of places always give to me, due to my childhood. I was there myself, in a cage. I didn't even think of me as being human at the time. I was just ‚specimen alfa'. Genesis and Angeal seemed to have been luckier with their childhood, but on the long run we're the same, all three of us. We're just test tube creations for some mindless demigods to play with. Just some ‚_products_' of a scientific experiment. Three perfect toys._

_Oh well, not perfect._

_Had we been perfect, Genesis wouldn't have been rotting away alive upstairs right now. Angeal wouldn't be dead. And I would not be standing here thinking of all these, because if we had been perfect, we wouldn't have had feelings. We weren't supposed to have them in the first place. Yet we do, unfortunately as it seems, so now I'm turning this wretched place upside down trying to find the few things I need in order to keep Genesis going with my own blood. I'd give it all to him if that would really make a difference. I'd die for him. He is my brother._

_Finally I have all I need, so I go back upstairs to him to put my medical knowledge to use. But before doing so I look for the kitchen and whatever food is there. We'll both need it. Then I search the place again to find anything else to lie down on and I come back with a cot and set it next to Genesis'. Shortly after that we both lie on our beds and my blood travels to his veins. I'd almost smile at him if I weren't so worried and lost myself: a few White Banoras are in a bowl between us. He had a whole box of them in the pantry._

_Now he has dozed off at some point and I just stay here and watch him sleeping. And in my mind lingers, I don't know why, the image of a large container I'd seen earlier down in an annex of the labs, roughly shaped like a coffin. Maybe Genesis knows what's with that. Although I don't see why I'd care right now._

_Days come and go and we are both buried in the basement, searching through the countless records from the library. After one more transfusion Genesis is better now and walks around with me to help me with everything he knows already. I won't let him move the heavy files, but he can guide me through all these stacks of papers and show me which is where. Sometimes I fall asleep still reading at the desk, but I make sure this doesn't happen to him. I'm stronger, I can do this and I have to. He should just rest for now._

_One of these days Zack showed up as well. He didn't stay too long I guess. I was too wrapped up in all this huge enterprise to pay him much attention. We still hoped to find something relevant that we could have overlooked, but it seemed Hojo had taken care of sorting the papers and removing some of them before us having any chance to find them. Fortunately Genesis was sleeping in his room at that moment and he and Zack didn't bump into each other. Less trouble, I guess._

_Genesis knows the truth from Hollander and from his own research for some time already, but now we need proof if we want to end this and find a way to bring the truth about the monster in the reactor to public knowledge. This will lead to one thing that can't be helped: ShinRa's downfall. One way or another. But I don't care one bit._

_Then comes the night when I wake up in pain, my head throbbing much harder than my heart, while knives seem to slice through my brain. The venomous hisses are back and malevolent words thrust into my mind like ice splinters._

„_Traitorsss! Unworthy creaturess! Kill them all!"_

_The pain in my brain is searing, rising and descending like a tide, only much faster, faster. I clutch my head with both hands and it seems like any moment now it will explode. A sharp gasp leaves my lips – and for a moment I wonder whose it is. The pain is incredible; my endurance to any kind of suffering is many times over that of an average human being and yet I can't stand this, I feel like breaking into shards already. Endless fountains of pain burst out in blinding fireworks. I have to stop this, I have to stop it, this is maddening!! Ice surrounds me everywhere, the coldness is slowly creeping inside my body, towards my heart, bit by bit, to take a hold of it and freeze its beats. I try to cast a warming spell but there's no use, my hands are numb and stiff, yet I fight it, I need to warm myself and shove the excruciating pain away before I lose it. I'll shatter the ice and make the greatest fire of them all to get the heat I need; I'm doing it right now!_

„_Kill the traitors! Kill the worthless worms!"_

_There's the voice again, I don't know whose it is, but oh well, if someone's trying to stop me now from getting my fire indeed I'll kill them, all of them..._

_My arm shots up and I will Masamune out – and the very next moment it's in my hand already, materializing with a sharp swooshing sound, green wisps of energy still swirling around the pristine blade. While I... while I move ahead... to burn... To kill._

_Then I'm rocking with the shakes – I don't know what happens, I hardly see anything around – and there's this other voice calling to me, shouting at me through the fierce shakes._

„_Sephiroth wake up!! Wake up already! Fight it, Seph! Don't listen to the monster! Stay with me! Fight it NOW!"_

_I wave my arms trying to break free from the firm grip. Somebody stop this, please, before I break! Let go of me! I'm feeling sick as hell. And my hands are not where they're supposed to be, to stop my brains from bursting. I try to grab my temples hurriedly, but it's too late. Eventually my head explodes..._

_...I come around to find myself down on the cold floor, on my hands and knees, in the mansion's main hall. I'm weak and dizzy, bathed in my own sweat and trembling and I don't remember how I got here. My left hand twitches spasmodically on Masamune's hilt. And Genesis is next to me, his arms around my body to keep me from collapsing completely onto the floor. He has his red coat on, thrown hastily over his shoulders and his rune__sword's close to him, but he's barefoot on the cold tiles._

_And I know too well what's happening. The alien has taken hold of me again. It tries to make me burn everything down. And to kill everyone around._

„_It will try again, Seph. It tried with me before but it's too weak in me. I don't have its cells, I only have the genes. You have to fight it."_

_I feel sick._

„_Gen, you're in danger too." I stutter through clattering teeth. „I gave you the cells together with my blood."_

_Oh Gaia, I'm sick as hell! What have I done to my own brother? Did I save him, or doomed him all the more?..._

„_It's alright, they're not a part of me and not many enough. But you have to fight it, Seph. You have to fight it with all you've got. It's much stronger in you."_

_I open my mouth to say something – and my head explodes again. Blinding light... The ice... the pain..._

_I grab the Masamune, shove Genesis away and jump for the main door at lightning speed, everything in just one move, but then my mind flickers and I stop abruptly in the doorstep, almost doubling over from the inertia and trembling with the shock. I grab the doorframe with both hands and cling to it._

„_Genesis, knock me down!" I shout at him. „I can't fight this much longer. Knock me unconscious and tie me up before I come around! Do it NOW!!"_

_He doesn't stop to question it. In just one leap he's over me and his clenched fist connects with my solar plexus. Ooh, he's still strong... Good..._

_Air leaves my lungs and darkness sweeps over me._

_...I wake up again to find myself restrained mob-style. This is some trick he got from Reno. One rope connecting feet, wrists tied at the back and neck. If I try to get free, I'll strangle myself._

_It's usually quite a torturous position, but otherwise, with Jenova's unwelcome help, I could break the ties if I strained my muscles enough. I'm back in my bed though and he laid me on one side, as comfortable as he could, stuffing a blanket under my arm and shoulder to prevent it from spraining. He's on his bed too and looks rather tired. He had to carry me back here._

„_Good punch, big bro. But you should have left me there.", I grumble hoarsely._

_He only gives me one weak grin: „Yeah, right."_

„_What now?"_

„_Dunno. We wait. That alien scum will give up in the end. It always does when it sees that the trick doesn't work. But I'm afraid it may try something different instead."_

„_Great!", I choke, with a lock of hair stuck in my mouth. He stretches his hand and brushes it behind my ear. „Thanks... Why do you keep saying ‚it'?"_

_He throws me a dry look, then rolls his eyes._

„_Why wouldn't I? Seph, they may have called it Jenova, but it's not your friggin' mother. It's just some bloody alien with shifting abilities. It's not even a ‚she'; I don't think it really has a distinct genre. It may have fooled everyone around and still be doing it, but it's a monster nonetheless."_

„_Yes." I sigh defeatedly. „And so are we."_

_Genesis' lips tighten as he frowns. But he looks more like sad than angry._

„_Seph," he says, „what do you think there is that keeps me going? Huh?"_

_I just remain silent. I don't really know what to say._

„_Look at me, Seph."_

_I slowly raise my eyes to him, regretfully, but I still can't find any words._

„_Just look at me, dammit! I am half dead. I smell like dead, I look like dead and I'm rotting on the inside, day by day. My limbs are trembling, sometimes I can't even hold my sword and I can hardly fly these days. I might just fall, and if I fall and get hurt, my wounds will not heal anymore. Why do you think I don't give up?_

„_Please tell me." I almost whisper._

_Mako light is pouring from his eyes__as he watches me, pain written on his face._

„_Because we're here to fight. Years ago, when we entered SOLDIER, we didn't do it just to serve that old crook Shinra, isn't it? We did it because we wanted to protect the people, each and every one of them. They may give up on us and they will do it, time and time again, cause that's how things go with the people, but we can't give up on them in turn. And right now there's this monster threatening our very human nature. And we're the most powerful men on this planet for now, so it's in our hands. Alright, Angeal is gone, and now I'm just a walking dead. But I have to try anything I can to cure myself or at least keep my strength, what's left of it, because this war is far from being over and I, so help me Goddess, as long as I'm still breathing, I'm fighting all my battles."_

_I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat, while my face feels like it's burning. I'm shaken and ashamed. I, the healthy and powerful one, the great General of SOLDIER, I let myself be disheartened and resigned, while Genesis, who could rightfully step aside and care only for his own wellness, still fights with all he's got._

_He looks at me and seems to read my thoughts as if they were inscribed word by word on my forehead._

„_It's ok, Seph. You don't have to be ashamed for feeling down right now. It took me quite a long time too to acknowledge and accept this horror with us and Jenova and all. And I know you are a warrior too and will never give up. I know you are with me in this. We may be monsters by our birth, but we didn't choose that. Yet we can choose to fight that demon – and it's not our birth, but our choices that make us what we are."_

_He looks frail and worn out, but he's not beaten._

„_I'm sorry." I say truthfully. „But you are right. I'm not giving up either. And I haven't ever doubted you."_

_Genesis shrugs and opens his mouth to say something, but freezes on the spot, wild-eyed. Listening intently._

„_Hear that?"_

„_What? I..."_

_We're in the basement, but a stifled sound can still be discerned by our mako-enhanced hearing. Like cracking. Or more like... _crackling.

„_No." he says. „No. Please Goddess, let it not be this!" and tears off the room, his feet thumping up the stairs like thunder._

_He's back in a few moments. His face is drained of color and he looks all shaken, as if he'd seen a ghost or something. Blindly, he sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. I'm just about to ask him what has happened, when he stands up again and bends over me, starting to untie my restraints. He looks disturbed – and I am puzzled and alarmed._

„_What are you doing??"_

„_It's of no use anymore, Seph. Too late already. Come and see for yourself.", he says sternly and, finishing untying me, he grabs me by the hand and drags me hurriedly with him to the ground floor. There are large windows in the hall – and the village can be easily seen. I stop there, petrified. Everything outside is a roaring blaze. The sinister red glow dances on the houses, on the trees, everywhere around. My knees almost buckle, knocking against each other. I step back._

„_But I... I didn't..."_

_Genesis' disfigured face turns to me, pain written all over it._

„_I know, Seph. But... there was this silhouette when I first came to look outside. It moved through the flames with a sword in hand. It... was identical to you." he whispers with a haunted look. „They'll say it was you."_

_I shake my head in denial._

„_No. It can't be. Gen, you said I can't be cloned, don't you remember? In the reactor..."_

„_So I was wrong. Obviously it can be done."_

_His jaw hangs open, trembling._

„_Seph, the monster from the pod you opened..."_

_I strain my memory, trying to comprehend what he's talking about._

„_The dead one? What's with it?"_

„_I... don't think it was dead. Did you two lock him back?"_

„_N-no. I guess we didn't."_

„_Holy Gaia! That one had more mako and Jenova cells in it than both of us. It could be plenty enough to grant it access to the shifting ability! Jenova must be manipulating its body."_

_I feel sick again._

„_I have to go find it and take it out.", I say._

_Genesis grabs me by the arm. Blinding rays of blue escape from his mako eyes._

„_Seph, be very careful with this thing. It may have a strength superior even to yours with all the mako he's been given. Don't take unnecessary risks and don't fight it by the book if you even find it. We're in too deep already."_

_I give him a short nod._

„_After that I will head for the mountains. I'm going to wipe that creature out once and for all."_

_Genesis' eyebrows are creased over his bright eyes._

„_I wish I were able to come with you. But... I know I'm just too weak for this now, dammit!!"_

_He bites his lips while his frown goes even deeper._

„_Oh well. Don't just slice it or something, anyway. We know it survives well enough through its scattered cells. You must destroy it completely. Try incinerating it, since it's so fond of fire." he sneers with a menacing look. „That should work."_

„_I will. Don't worry now, I will be back before you know it. And this whole nightmare – we'll finally put it behind."_

_I turn to go, Masamune summoned in my hand. Then I stop again. The blade slips from my grasp hitting the floor with a crystalline sound, while I cover the distance between us in one large step and squeeze Genesis in my arms in a tight hug. I just couldn't help it, I don't know why. He hugs me back and we stay there for a moment or so._

_Then I take my sword and leave, while he stands still behind me._

* * *

**Music listened in the making of this:**

**System of a Down – „Soldier Side"**

**Linkin Park – „Crawling"**


	5. To the bottom and beyond

Outside even the air is burning

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**CC spoilers. ****The English translation of the CC lines belongs to Silenttweak. Bow to you, man! Also many thanks go to little dog and Glau. Their help means the world to me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part 5: To the bottom and beyond**

_Outside__ the manor even the air is burning. The heat is scorching. But I am frozen on the inside. My heart is trapped within a block of ice and I can't even feel it anymore._

_I've been in Wutai. I've seen the war. I lived it. I had to fight. I had to kill._

_But not like this._

_I move through this hell of fire with Masamune in hand. Bodies are scattered all around. Some are already torched, but it can still be seen that they have all been horribly slaughtered before that, as they lie like ragged dolls in pools of blood. I rush from here to there, trying to find someone who's still alive, but they're all dead. I stumble on the bodies of men, children, women, old and young. All lifeless objects bearing the horror on their faces, the image of the killer imprinted in their eyes._

_They all saw me._

_I'm frozen in the scorching heat. Frozen with horror. I've fought the war and killed so many that I've lost their number. But it was always in battle. Soldiers with weapons in their hands, able to fight back and defend themselves, able to attack and kill as well. Not helpless innocent people waking up in the middle of a blazing hell and cast out of their own homes into the night only to be butchered like cattle._

_By a monster wearing my face._

_I crawl from one body to another still hoping, against all odds, to save someone. I get up and run from one house to another. They crash and crumble at my feet, consumed by flames. There's noone to be saved. There's nothing left afoot._

_I have to find the one that did this. The thing that killed _my _people_.

**_My_** _people from **my** world._

_I have to find it and destroy it. Genesis was right. Now I see what Jenova really is._

_I turn around and head for the stairs to the reactor, clutching Masamune fiercely in my hand._

„_Now is the time for greeting." I hear myself growling through clenched teeth._

_And then I find myself in front of Zack, bearing a haunted look on his face, as if he sees me for the first time._

„_This is cruel." he stutters. „Sephiroth... this is just too cruel."_

_I need quite a few moments to decipher the mixture of disbelief, horror and accusation in his eyes. While at the same time I acknowledge the fact that I am covered from head to heels in blood. It's dripping from my gloves, my clothes, Masamune's blade. I crawled through it. I sunk my hands in it while lifting the bodies one by one to check them for a pulse that wasn't there._

_Genesis was right again. They'll all think it was me._

_Anger, bitterness and disappointment sweep over me, emptying my soul._

_So it was really all for nothing. Trying to be a just yet understanding leader to them, all of these years; trying to teach them and protect them, to always treat them fairly and correctly. Being always the first in battle to give them an example and hearten them. And to save their lives. And to protect everything we have and cherish. It was all for nothing. Just one deceiving appearance and here I am: a rabid dog wouldn't be stared at with this rejection and disgust._

_I turn around and walk away without a word. It doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't. All that matters now is to find that monster and destroy it. Then I can just go back to Genesis, take him with me and get the hell away. For good._

_I'm not even hurt. I'm not!!_

_I hurry up the mountain, flying as fast as I am able to. I land right at the reactor's gate, up the stairs. I rush inside only to see that bodies lie there too. A man... the girl that was our guide..._

_I crouch to check her vital signs. The world explodes behind my eyes again..._

_... I'm on all four down on the floor. No. Oh no. Noyou'renotgettingme-no._

„_My son."_

„_No."_

„_Come with me, my son. Get rid of the traitorsss. Come."_

„_No! I'm not your bloody son. NoI'mnotyoursonyoudemongetoffmymindnononooooo!!"_

_Painfully I crawl up the stairs to the sealed chamber, struggling against the power that threatens to crush me. I have to wipe this monster out. I have to. The clattering sound of metal on metal scrapes my nerves while I drag Masamune along. As I reach the upper end of the stairs the huge door opens with a hiss. I look inside with glassy eyes. Somewhere far ahead I can hardly discern some sort of a column with a statue through my waving vision. That has to be it, I know somehow. I stumble towards it._

„_Come, my son."_

_Oh, I'm coming alright, don't you worry. I'm coming right now. To finish you._

_I stand up on staggering feet, still trembling. There's some sort of a large pipe leading to the other side of this huge space. Not a problem in normal circumstances. Just one large jump, that's all. But I'm not up to it. I'll have to walk. So I start putting my feet one in front of another._

_I'm almost halfway to the other side when a blast of light erupts again inside my skull. I feel my knees betraying me..._

_...I come back to my senses to find myself doubled over the handrail of a narrow foot bridge, somewhere at a lower level. Beneath me there's the mako pit, a burning, blinding pool of green. I guess I was just lucky. Noone would survive down there. Not even me._

_I try to move, ignoring the pain in my abdomen, caused by the rough collision. I'm weak and dizzy. Somewhere above I can hear someone talking. It's eerie. Sounds like... my own voice._

_Now._

_I sit down on the foot bridge, resting my back against the handrail. I try to gather my SOLDIER strength. I got so far and failing is not an option. It can't be try or die; but it may be try _and_ die. It should be try and win. Somewhere up there are two monsters. An alien one and a former human being. There will be three with me. My own voice reaches me from above, resounding with the echo._

"_Mother, let's take this planet back together. I've thought of a very good plan. Let's go to the Promised Land together. Mother."_

_Then another voice, shouting in anger:_

**"**_Sephiroth!! Why did you kill the villagers? Why did you hurt Tifa? Answer me, Sephiroth!"_

_It's Zack._

"_Ha ha ha! Mother, those people have shown up again. With mother's strength and knowledge she should have been this planet's ruler. But those people – those people who took everything. The planet was taken from mother, wasn't it?..."_

"_Sephiroth! What's gotten into you?! Sephiroth, I trusted you."_

_I hear the clattering of weapons, blades colliding with each other. Zack fights the monster from the pod, the one bearing my face. Sounds of crashes and the hissings of steam, escaping from the broken pipes, reach me. I so hope he would win. But in the meantime I can't sit on my back and wait for it to happen. I have to get back to that upper level and destroy the alien thing._

_The battle's fierce uproar resounds from everywhere. At some point Zack darts through the air somewhere not far from me only to crash into a large pipe. Then he jumps again and I hear them crossing their weapons high up once more._

"_No!", Zack shouts. "You're not the Sephiroth I once knew."_

_Damn right that creature isn't me. Genesis would have known in an instant. He would have trusted me. He would have known I wouldn't do that._

_But then again, I almost did it. I almost let the monster get a hold on me. I would have done it, had it not been for Genesis._

**I**_ would have been the one to burn down Nibelheim._

**"**_I am the chosen one.", the monster says. "The chosen one to rule over this planet."_

_This is preposterous. I have to hurry up. All this madness has to stop once and for all. Zack seems to get beaten badly and if I manage to destroy Jenova, this might just save his life. Maybe destroying Jenova's body will free that creature from its power and make it stop the fight, or at least slow down enough to give Zack the chance he needs to strike back at it._

_I'm finally in front of the transparent column, leaning tiredly against it. I can't help watching in awe and horror the creature trapped inside. It looks as if some mad mind had mixed some human features with other monstrous ones. A female body with bluish translucent skin and silver hair like mine, but with tentacles protruding here and there. And on its back two tattered sheets of skin, of a sick color, like a bruise, wave slightly in the liquid, more like a pair of twisted fins than wings. I can't believe my eyes. This…_thing_ could fool the Cetra??... It looks sick to my eyes. There's some sort of helmet encasing its head and the skull is cut up at the upper part, leaving the brain visible. On the helmet the name JENOVA is carved, so there's no room for mistakes: this is the thing I came here for. Without all these unnatural appendages it could be considered even beautiful. But I know this is just an illusion._

_I have to shatter the glass, or whatever this material is, and then destroy this twisted thing. I rest my forehead against the tank to gather all my strength. Maybe a shockwave will do the trick? Or maybe Firas would work better on this?..._

_Yes, Genesis may be right. I should just torch the thing to ashes. That should solve it once and for all. I breathe deep and even, readying myself to power up._

_It's in this moment that I realize the noises from the fight have ceased. I don't know how it ended but I will find out afterwards. I concentrate again, my gloved hands resting on the column._

_In a matter of moments I hear steps hurrying behind me, but I don't turn around. The steps are much lighter than mine, so it can't be the clone; there's nothing to worry about._

_Then…_

_Then… … …_

_The slashing of a blinding pain…_

… _my body torn… Angeal's sword emerging from my abdomen… thrusting into the column, shattering the glass… cracks spreading everywhere… the searing pain… I slide… the floor… a blond kid running away…_

_- - - - -_

_Voices call me._

_A wave of voices, rising and descending like a tide, quiet and even._

_I let myself drift away on them._

_I can almost see them. Feel them._

_I know what they are. It's the Lifestream._

_I'm dying._

_I don't care anymore and for some moments I try to remember what is that I should care about. Then I don't care anymore about remembering either._

_The voices rock me like a lullaby, soothing me. There is no pain here, nothing to torment me._

_Then another voice detaches from the wave. It's caring too, but there's a hint of urgency in it._

"_Sephiroth, wake up! Wake up, Seph, please! You don't want to come here now. There's something left unfinished. You have to go back..."_

_Who's that?..._

_This voice sounds familiar to me._

_I wish to see the one who's talking, but there can't be any sight here, as there are no eyes to see. Yet the very moment I wish to see that one, a wavering vision, like an image on running water, seems to float in front of me. A clear blue sky, lighted by sun. A man with shoulder-long black hair and SOLDIER 1__st__ Class gear stands on this background, carrying a large sword. I know the man. I know the sword. Four large snow-white wings wave slightly on his back, with the long feathers gently ruffled by a light breeze._

_Angeal!_

_Suddenly it's like in the blink of an eye everything else disappears around me and I lunge at him with my whole being, without a thought, without a care:_

"_ANGII!!"_

_He's my brother and I have him back with me, I don't know how and I don't give a damn. I'll never let him leave again! I just cling onto him like no tomorrow and I feel him holding me too while his wings fold around us, filling my tormented body with an indescribable warmth. His warmth. I feel myself collapsing into his embrace from weakness and from pain, but it's alright, he's here and this is all that matters to me now. I've been hurting so much, all of this time since he d… No, even now I still cannot say it. I know I'm dying, I know he did too, long ago, yet I can't say this word when it comes to him. Maybe because I've always feared that death would mean to disappear completely, to cease to exist in any way. I thought our spirits would dissipate into the Lifestream leaving only the abstract knowledge to be collected and kept further on. But he's here now!_

_He's always been the steady rock for me and Gen, all of these years. Whatever happened, he was always there for us. Gen could go wacky or completely errant sometimes, he would get him back on the path or comfort him if need be. And I…_

_Pictures of him storm inside my mind, chasing each other: I see him on their first day at ShinRa, on that terrace where we first met, – a little behind Gen, where he would always stand ready to support him – carrying the Buster Sword on his back, with a cautious look on his face as he watched Gen trying to prevent him from upsetting me somehow; I see him buried in the thick manuals of strategy or whatever else, trying to study for his classes or exams while me and Gen would wrestle on the floor or circle the room fighting with sticks instead of swords and ruining his concentration; I see him as the mentor of SOLDIER, a father-figure for all of them, guiding his fellows and helping them find and use their SOLDIER strength; I see him in battles, always covering us and keeping us safe, me and Gen and everyone else around, making sure we would all come back alive and well. He's always been there, like a rock. Always. The only time in my whole life that tears have ever shown up in my eyes, when Gen's degeneration started to show up, he was there to comfort me. And then… he was just gone, before us all._

_And I could never get myself to accept it._

_Now he's here again and I desperately cling to him._

"_I… we missed you so much! Why didn't you give us at least a sign all of these years??" I almost snarl at him, so upset that I could just pound my fist on his chest like an angry child._

"_All of these years…", he repeats my words. "It was one year, Seph. Only one."_

"_NO!!", I shout. "No, it was more!"_

_It has to have been more. It felt like years on end. So long years!_

_He gently tries to push me aside a little bit but I fight it desperately and my arms circle him even tighter, not wanting to let go._

"_Please Seph. I have to see your wound.", he whispers._

"_Why? What does that matter now? I'm dying anyway." I snarl again, morosely._

_I do it and regret it. I caused him pain, I can feel it. He too didn't want to hear that word from me, even if it meant I would stay there with him._

"_But you have to go back, even if it will not be for long."_

_Suddenly I feel my whole body straining in his arms and my wound begins to throb painfully._

"_Why??"_

_There's a small, encouraging smile on his face, yet a sorrowful one._

"_Because of Jenova. I can't fight it from here. We can only guide the living to what is to be done. Seph… there's not much left to do. And it's up to you. You can choose to remain here. You did the best you could and noone can ask for more from you…"_

_I lie here in his arms and my soul feels empty all of a sudden. I feel like an island of pain in this ocean of tranquility. I only long to be held by my brother and stay here with him, but instead he wants to send me back. His lips are moving and it seems as if he speaks to me from another world of light and peace, so far away, while I lie here in my realm of silent sorrow. My soul, my whole being longs to pull itself out of my mortal body and yet…_

"… _but I do. 'The best one could' can work for everyone else, but it's not enough for us, Seph. So I ask you to go back and destroy Jenova once and for all. Because I can't do it myself right now. And neither can Genesis… And that's what we came on Gaia for. Seph… it's in your hands."_

_I close my eyes. So tired. I feel so tired. Guilt and regret wash over me._

"_Angii", I almost whisper, "even I can't do it now. The wound… was too much to take, even for me. I won't be able to face that monster, as much as I want to."_

_He just puts his hand over the large cut in my abdomen and I feel waves of heat spreading from there in all directions inside my body._

"_It's alright", he says and smiles, regretfully. "I can't cure you, but I will lend you my strength; this much I can still do."_

_And sure enough, I feel his power building me up, little by little, until I feel I will be able to stand my ground in a battle, even if only for too short a time._

"_I will be waiting for you here, no matter what. It won't take long, don't worry. You will be back before you know it."_

_A pang of guilt spears through my heart. So I said to Genesis too._

_He takes my hand and squeezes it._

"_I trust you, Seph. I know you will do everything you can."_

_He seems to fade away, while I lunge at him to stop his leave, to keep him here with me some more. I didn't even have the chance to tell him… I don't know exactly what… I only know it was important…_

_- - - - -_

…_I'm coiled up on the metal floor, in a pool of blood. This time it's mine. It's mixed with the liquid from Jenova's tube. Glass shards are everywhere around me, mixed with tangled wires and torn plastic tubes._

_Painfully, I struggle to stand up, pressing a hand to the open wound in my abdomen. I feel like breaking in the agony of pain, but I am not allowed to stop now. I have to resist only long enough to destroy the demon._

_Suddenly I see myself hugging Genesis earlier, before all this. I see the image frozen in time – the two of us standing still, holding each other, like those little insects trapped within a drop of crystallized mako – and the understanding strikes me like a lightning. It was the last time I ever did it. Maybe somehow I felt it even then, and that was what threw me in his arms, for that last time. I will never see him again – and he's alone and ill. I've been stabbed by a kid who probably could hardly carry Angeal's sword; Jenova hangs in its ties in front of me, inches away from my torn body and there's another monster bearing my face that's still at large, but all I can care about right now is that I left Genesis all alone, with noone to take care of him. I promised him I would go back to him as soon as this would be all over – but I won't. He will be waiting there for hours on end and I will not return. Now I know I will never go back to him and this is what pains me the most, what breaks me much more than any other wound._

_This alien demon that has torn our lives, making us all its toys! It took from me everything I ever had: my life, my family, my honor and my dreams. Destroying it is all there's left for me to do. Rage burns inside me, while I'm clenching the Masamune in my fist. Slowly I rise from the floor, leaning against my sword. What can I do now? I don't know if I can will magic out of my body anymore. But I have to try it anyway. My time is running out._

_I struggle to gather all my power to do it for the last time when I hear steps behind me. Again. But this time they are heavier, and I know exactly…_

_I turn around to find myself in front of me. It's the first time this happens to me, to look at my own face, to see myself like this. Genesis had many clones and he's used to it. He says it's not the same thing anyway. The clones may be identical to you at first sight, but if you look them in the eyes, then you won't see yourself. They just _look_ the same, but they're not the same on the inside. They're different persons. Angeal didn't even have human clones. Strange. Could they even be called clones then, after all?..._

_It doesn't matter anymore. I stand before my clone and look it in the eyes. And, though its face looks identical to mine, I don't feel like looking at myself. Its mouth is twisted in a menacing sneer, but its eyes… there's nothing human inside them. Distant and empty, with the look of another species regarding some mere bugs from high above. And I know somehow that in this very instant I am looking into Jenova's eyes._

_The monster takes one step towards me. Then another._

"_It's over now.", its voice, my own, utters in a guttural growl._

"_It is indeed." I agree._

_There's no more time for Firas. And I know I'm not a match for this in my current condition. So right now I'm doing the only thing I can think of to try to slow this down at least. Ignoring the agony, my arm shoots up, Masamune tracing one large shining arch in the air, and I cut Jenova's head, grabbing its hair with the other hand. I hope, against all odds, that this will be enough to shatter the link between the alien and that monster for at least a few moments, enough for me to finish it._

_It is._

_The clone staggers a bit, while my Masamune flashes again colliding with its body. Not hard enough to slash it, but it's all it needed to be shoved off the narrow pipe, falling into the abyss below._

_Trying to keep my own balance while moving in a daze, I struggle to reach the exit, still clutching Jenova's head in my hand. I have to find Zack, someone, anyone, to order them to torch this thing before I pass away._

_My mind grows already foggy while I'm swaying on my feet, moving forward almost blindly._

_Finally I reach the door. The floor dances before my eyes. Somewhere down the stairs there's the blond kid, tending to that girl. Where's Zack?..._

_Then I hear his voice._

"_Cloud, finish Sephiroth!"_

"_Who's Cloud?..." I wonder tiredly._

_The blond kid nods and, grabbing Angeal's sword, charges at me up the stairs._

_No. Not now. Not like this._

_I cringe, almost coiling in despair. Not now…_

…_Suddenly I feel like being thrown away and I get almost dizzy, while my reference points change drastically in the blink of an aye. I can't comprehend what's going on with me and I'm desperately trying to relate myself to what's around, as I seem to hover in the air in a strange way, nothing to do with what I've ever felt before when flying._

_I watch the scene unfolding somewhere beneath me while I float, weightless, high above._

"_Don't get over-confident!", the Sephiroth I watch growls harshly – and he stabs the blond kid with my Masamune._

_Through the haze in which my conscience is drowning I frantically try to understand what's happening. Did I fail? Am I already dead?..._

_No, no, this can't be it! I am still here, aren't I?? This… this must be that wretched being's work! Doesn't it ever stop?! This whole nightmare – it's like it never ends!_

_But I have to end it now. I feel the rage heating me up. This alien creature – how dares it twist everyone's lives like this? How come the gods do nothing to stop the horror that swept over this planet so long ago and now it came to life again? How come they let this happen? Where is the Goddess? Where's every God is this whole universe right now??..._

… _Like a huge electric discharge, a blast of light swallows me completely… A silent, devastating surge, hitting me with the tremendous power of a wall racing towards me at full speed… everything so fast and sudden that somehow it seems as if nothing has really moved… the moment stretches outside of time, with the slowness of a drop of honey sliding around – in other universes maybe entire worlds would be born and fade to nothingness within its course. Figures are right ahead of me, I get carried past each and everyone of them and they stand still like a group of marble statues, but their eyes follow me serenely and their wings, of blinding light, stretch up to the sky… The Goddess... another tall one with dark hair and kind eyes watches me going by… I know him oh so well! And there are others too. One of them, with regal stance and eyes like those of Wutaians, grips in his hand a sword… my Masamune…_

… _the remembrance of me…Angeal, Genesis… all three of us…_

_Sent on Gaia._

_To deal with Jenova. We were sent._

_Now Genesis is ill._

_Angeal… is gone._

_I'm the only one left._

"_It's in your hands," he said._

_The light erupts again, then fades away and I am once again hovering in the air. That whole… vision, everything must have happened in the blink of an eye, as nothing seems to have moved back here. My sword is still thrust into the blond kid's body._

_But I am here and I am still alive!! So I launch myself furiously at my body to shove away the alien that took hold of it. I won't give up like this, not now! I can almost hear my brother in my mind – "as long as I'm still breathing, I'm fighting all my battles!". So am I, damn this, I'm a warrior and no monster has ever defeated me._

_I feel myself – whatever's left of me – colliding with some sort of solid barrier that prevents me from entering my own body and I watch helplessly as the boy is lifted in the air, still thrust by the blade, like a chicken on a roasting spit. We will both die for nothing if this monster wins. Waves of rage flow from me while I shoot up at lightning speed, then dive again towards myself. I am NOT giving up!!_

_Then… the impossible happens. The kid grabs my sword with both hands. He snatches it, making the alien loosen its grip and put him down. And then… he lifts him, me, in the air. And shoves Jenova, together with my body, over the edge of the platform._

"_This is impossible!", Jenova stutters, through my mouth. And I feel suddenly swept back into my body while the demon leaves it in a haste. The shock and dizziness overwhelm me again, not a bit less than the first time, and I claw helplessly at my consciousness trying not to lose it, but I know it's already too late for me to be able to stop the hellish descend. And none of them would help me anyway; they all think __**I**__'m the monster. The very thought still pains me, though I pretended it didn't, but now it really doesn't matter anymore._

_I fall into the mako pit, still carrying the true monster's head in my clenched fist._

_The fall seems endless and, while I cut the air like a living arrow, I suddenly see Genesis right in front of my eyes. And I know he sees me too, because he's on his knees and howling:_

„_NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"_

_All this while behind him, coming from the stairs that lead to the underground labs of the manor, a tall dark silhouette with long black hair and a blood-red tattered cloak slowly detaches itself from the shadows._

_I break the surface and dive into the mako fire._

* * *

**Music listened in the making of this:**

**Breaking Benjamin – „Dance with the devil" – (burning Nibelheim part)**

**Final Fantasy VII – The Promised Land – (voices in the Lifestream part)**

**Diorama – „Das Meer" – (the rest)**

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. Life is kinda frantic here these days and even though I had this written for some time now, my betas have exams and stuff and this, being done in our little spare time, had to wait. It's not left aside though; it will go on.**


	6. Take my hand and let me guide you

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**CC spoilers. ****The English translation of the CC lines belongs to Silenttweak, yes! Also many thanks go to 'little dog' and Glau, my precious two beta. Thank you, girls!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part 6: ****Take my hand and let me guide you**

_Sometimes I've still wondered how this had been possible at all. Why Genesis had stuck with me and never let me go all of these years. He was the rich heir of a landlord and I was just a waif. A mere creature from the labs, a human one alright, yet treated no different from any other monkey. What had he seen in me?..._

_The first time I asked him this he just flashed his usual grin and answered in his mockingly cryptic way:_

„_Oh well, you know what they say: birds of a feather flock together."_

_And of course I didn't understand. In what way could I be like him?..._

_Yet he and Angeal had been the only people that truly saw me the way I really was and accepted me as a human being. All the admiration and praises of the others never meant anything to me. If they only knew where my total lack of social skills came from, how I had been brought up down in the labs, kept in a cubicle like any other test specimen and treated as such too, knowing practically nothing of the human ways, they would have been horrified of me. Genesis and Angeal had known this from the very beginning and still they took me for what I was and wanted me as a friend. When I finally understood this I felt as if I'd just won the greatest prize. I was already The General of the ShinRa army at the time – the image of glory, pride, success. A living legend. Everyone envied me and thought I had everything one could ever wish. When in fact, inside me, I was as poor as any other beggar from the slums._

_It was only then, when I understood that Genesis and Angeal thought of me as family, that I finally felt rich and fortunate. And human, at long last._

_Of glory I still didn't care. Not then, not ever._

_Oh well, neither did Genesis for a fact. He couldn't care less of that whole hero thing, in spite of all his endless blabbering about it, but he so loved to tease Angeal about his puppy's antics that he wouldn't miss any opportunity to air it in his face._

_Now I know that we're all the same, the offsprings of a monster, but that doesn't change anything for me. It was still my miracle back then, when we didn't know it and, even with the fact that now there's a logical explanation for this, the miracle is no smaller than it has always been._

_- - - - -_

_I open my eyes and blink a few times, trying to adjust to the bath of light I'm in. It's the subway tunnel again. I can feel hands on my back, preventing me from falling, while my head has slipped to one side, resting on someone's shoulder. I sit up clutching at my forehead with both hands and a sigh escapes my lips before I can stop it._

_The blond moves slightly, entering my vision range. I look at him; there's only one thing I can think of in this moment – and I voice it right away:_

„_Genesis. What do you know of him? Where is he now?"_

* * *

The girl turned to the blond and watched him questioningly but didn't actually utter any words.

He just got up to his feet and stretched one arm offering it to Sephiroth, who took his hand and pulled himself up too. He staggered a bit, but the girl was already there beside him, in the blink of an eye.

„It's alright", said the blond quietly. „Genesis is still on Gaia. He's fine, but that's pretty much all I can tell you right now."

Sephiroth wanted to hear more, but it was good to know even that much. It'll have to do for the time being.

„How do you feel now?", the blond inquired. „Think you're up to walking some more?"

Sephiroth nodded decidedly.

„I am. I will be fine."

„Indeed you will. The light has done you good, I can see that."

They resumed their walking through the tunnel. From time to time the blond would stop beneath some of the larger holes through which the sun was pouring its light unhindered and would stretch his arms and let his face be caressed by the rays as if he were under a shower. Longing for warmth and comfort after the long stay in the Terminal's dull world of grey, they did the same, feeling the heat and brightness building up their strength. They could not move too fast though; Sephiroth and the girl were barefoot, as they had left their slippers at the Terminal, and the old subway tracks were almost buried under debris coming from the fallen portions of the ceiling mixed with crushed stone that filled the space between the tracks.

„What's with this light?", Sephiroth asked, peering curious upwards. „It feels... alive somehow!"

„It is.", the blond nodded with a small smile.

„And what's this whole place, anyway? Where are we now? Where are we heading to?"

The blond chuckled.

„A lot of questions, but oh well. We're between worlds right now and these are places you never cross alone, without a guide – well, unless you are a guide yourself. That's why I wanted you to remember who you are; so you can find your way all by yourself if need be."

„How could that help me?", Sephiroth asked, a bit confused.

„Well, since you are a guide yourself, when you have all your memories you can find your way practically anywhere. You would have got them back anyway in the end, with that strong will of yours. I only helped you speed up the process.", the blond shrugged.

Sephiroth stopped short in his steps and grabbed the blond's arm, causing him to turn around and face him.

„A guide.", he uttered dryly, but the question was obvious in his eyes.

The blond met his gaze and sustained it.

„All angels are guides.", he said quietly.

The silver-haired man only stared at him in disbelief for a few moments, arm falling along the body. Then he finally opened his mouth and asserted, matter-of-factly:

„You are completely mistaken. I am no angel. I am a monster."

The blond eyed him with a resigned and reluctant look.

„Hmpf, I wish I didn't have to speak to you about this. I'm not the one to do it. You should be told by somebody who's really close to you.

„Well then, Angeal and Genesis are not here", Sephiroth stated dryly, „and I can't think of anyone else being close to me, so start talking."

The girl watched them detached, sliding her gaze from the blond guy to the long-haired man dressed in that ridiculously short grey pajama, hardly reaching his wrists and ankles and with his feet bare – and yet still managing to look regal somehow, with an aura of authority about him that you could almost touch.

Yet the next moment he bowed his head a little, with a frown.

„I'm sorry," he appologized, though still with a sullen mien, „I didn't mean to snarl at you. But I need to understand this. Please tell me what you know."

The blond looked a little helpless.

„Uhh...", he sighed, „Things kinda gotten sped up. Someone would have come to take you from the Terminal anyway, like I told you, but I couldn't exactly let you stay there if you wanted so much to come with us. It wouldn't have been fair to you to be left there alone, even if not for much longer. But you should know that there's always someone dear who comes to collect those who still have time to spend among the living – and equally to welcome those who leave. He is already on his way for you right now and would have told you everything you need to know."

Sephiroth shifted in his place, his eyes glimmering with the anticipation and eagerness to hear what the blond would tell him, his lips just about to voice the question of who that „he" was supposed to be, but then he just tried to collect himself and let the other man tell him what he knew.

„... but we are here now," the blond went on, „and you want your answers. Well then, Sephiroth, know that you are indeed an angel. Oh well, now you shouldn't think of angels in that poetic way people usually see them. That's just a limited human representation. Angels are in fact powerful entities able to use the nature's laws at higher levels than the human beings, so they seem to have these supernatural powers. Which is not the case in fact. It's just that their knowledge enables them to use these laws instead of being subdued by/to them. So all three of you are angels, to call you that: you, Genesis and Angeal. Oh well, it's as good a name as any other one. You were sent to be born on Gaia as human beings – most probably by your own choice – in order to receive the planet's powers and use them to destroy an old threat that had been awakened again. You know what I'm talking about: yes, it was Jenova. In due time you were going to be directed by the planet to what was to be done. It's only that the demon found out somehow about this and tried to destroy all of you from the inside, placing itself in your own bodies even before your birth. This is why you forgot why you were born on Gaia and who you were in fact. Yet as far as I know you dealt with it and did the best you could; Angeal directed the planet's energy from the Lifestream and helped you, even if you didn't know at the time; you managed to severe the alien – and Genesis is still there, ready to divert another threat. But this is the thing in just a few words, I am sorry, but I don't know all the details. That's why I wished you would find out about all these from someone who knows them better."

Sephiroth's eyes slid down to his feet and a faint shade of pink spreaded on his face.

„Some angel.", he mumbled. „I didn't even manage to destroy that monster. It brought me back two times; it made a mere pathetic puppet out of me and I was too weak to resist. It almost made me kill that boy, so many others..."

The blond just shrugged.

„Yes, but you fought it. And in the end you managed to oppose it long enough to give Cloud the chance to destroy your own body together with Jenova. And then the next time it was the same. I mean it was so obvious for anyone knowing you well-enough that it wasn't you fighting Cloud back there, in the deserted Midgar. You're the ‚take your enemy down in one strike' kind, not the ‚talk and mock' type. This is a demon's work. And the fighting style – that wasn't you. Always ready to face both your brothers and fight them with just one hand... and suddenly clinging at Masamune's hilt with both hands to stand your ground against Cloud? Wielding your sword clumsily with the wrong hand and even being pushed back a few times?! That demon really made quite a few mistakes. But then again, a demon's preferred weapon is the word, not the sword. It forced you to talk more than actually fight; it could kill Cloud right on the spot and instead it chose so stupidly to toy with him. Yet it managed to keep him in permanent defence by merely using maybe ten percent of your real strength and skills at the most – and still clumsy enough. In the end it just defeated itself the very moment it caused Cloud to question what was really important to him and act as such. Demons. Do they ever learn! Do they ever begin to understand the power of love that links people together!"

Sephiroth's head bowed even more, silver hair falling like a curtain over his face and hiding it from view.

„Alright. Then I'm an angel, so you say.", he uttered in an even tone, but still incredulous. „Where does that leave _you_ then?"

Another faint smile lighted the blond's features.

„Oh, I am a guide myself. But other than that, I'm just your average guy. An ordinary man."

A snort.

„Hmpf, so you are an ordinary man." Sephiroth couldn't help letting a bit of sarcasm drip into his voice. „Let me get this straight: I am an angel who doesn't even know who he is, who gets beaten by every demon and then ends up in the Terminal waiting to die or something and who can't find his way back to wherever he's supposed to be, while you're just an average guy who walks people and _angels_ from here to there, between worlds, just like that. Did I get it right?"

„Yep, sure did.", the blond finally broke into a grin, his eyes alighted with something that definitely looked like amusement to the bewildered Sephiroth.

„Come on", the blond patted his upper arm, making him almost jump. „Don't be so hard on yourself. You got mixed up with that demon even before being born, there's no wonder that unfortunate things happened to you all of your life. You were prone to that – but now just get over it and move on. Questioning yourself every moment doesn't really help."

Sephiroth frowned.

„I still have to understand. What's to be done now, to get my powers back?"

He almost expected the blond to roll his eyes and run short of patience, but he didn't. Instead he just motioned for the silver-haired man to follow him under one of the light showers, as if he had only waited for that question. On that spot two water streams also joined, giving birth to a whirlwind of some sort. Light was dancing on water like a white fire.

„I see you still don't believe yourself to be an angel.", he said with a faint smile. „So there's only one thing left that I can think of doing. It's a bit early for that and I don't know if we reached the halfway to grant you enough strength to do it but we can try it nonetheless."

The blond was a short person, maybe only two or three inches taller than the girl, so Sephiroth looked down at him, emerald cat-like eyes meeting sky-blue ones – one pair burning with wonder and anticipation, the other quiet as a lake in a summer afternoon.

„Well then, what should I do now?" he inquired.

„Just let your true self out, that's all."

„Alright. Um... how do I do that?"

The blond let a small chuckle escape his mouth.

„It'll come to you. Will your real self out. Like... dunno, just crack the shell and emerge from it! You'll know when you begin to feel it happening."

With Sephiroth's eyes still glued on him, the blond sighed inwardly, though he still maintained his easy appearance on the outside. He had been there himself. He knew it all, this struggle. The disbelief, the shame, the lack of trust in his own powers. How could he have let this man alone behind him, at the Terminal! He couldn't, so he of course had taken him along. But Sephiroth deserved much more right now and yet the blond didn't know exactly what to do or say to steady him and and put him on his path. And yet he was a guide. That meant he'd have to do it anyway. Noone had said it would be easy back then, when he had walked this way himself. It would be something different and special for each and every person he would have to guide along the way. It _should_ be different and special. He felt greatly for Sephiroth. He would have to be the rock for him right there and then.

„Take my hand and let me guide you.", he said kindly and his arm moved naturally extending towards Sephiroth, who seemed to hesitate for a moment, then stretched out his own. The blond took it and then placed his other hand over it, giving a reassuring squeeze. Within his grip, Sephiroth's hand felt strong and calloused. A swordsman's hand.

„You are one of the strongest men I've ever known", the blond man said and smiled, „and I respect you for the way you always fought for your people and your world. Maybe you weren't able to do it all by yourself and it's ok, noone's to fight alone; we're meant to live and fight together, all of us, in every world. So keep your faith now, don't let it falter. And let yourself be guided by your inner being that already knows what's to be done. Let yourself remember."

Blinding rays of green fell on him from Sephiroth's eyes:

„Thank you.", he softly uttered.

And then, each time the same and yet each time so different, it happened.

* * *

**Music listened in the making of this:**

**Staind: „So Far Away"**

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Author's Note:

**Stick with me, even if you find it strange. Your reviews and appreciation always make my day. Thank you all!**


	7. To the light again 1: What we are

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**CC spoilers. ****The English translation of the CC lines belongs to Silenttweak, yes! Also many thanks go to my two betas: 'little dog' for her valuable corrections and suggestions and Glau for the plot ideas.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**NOONE NOWHERE**

**Part ****7: To the light again – 1: What we are**

_Once again a blast of light erupts around me and I__ am swept away._

_When I come around, I find myself up above a sunny highland. Stony surfaces with faint traces of moss and lichens unfold as far as I can see. The sun's reflection on them should be blinding and yet my eyes seem to adjust quite well to it. In fact I am in the middle of a bath of brightness and I try to relate myself to what's around, to understand why I am here. I get closer to the abrupt crests and scan the surroundings for a few moments, until on the upper edge of a steep wall of rock I finally see three silhouettes and something inside me leaps with joy. I know them all!_

_I__ try eagerly to get closer to them. I can hear their voices now and somehow I know already that I'm not really here, that it's only a connection of sorts established between us because they think of me. So I let myself float on the slight breeze and listen to them peacefully._

_Angeal and Victor Hewley, his father, sit both on a threshold of stone, next to each other, while another man with a regal stance and ageless face stands close to the edge and gazes at the sky. He carries a sword identical to my Masamune and yet, I don't know why, I am certain it's not mine. As I watch them, floating in the air in front of them above the precipice, his Wutaian-like eyes seem to look straight at me and this makes me feel thrilled and also humbled._

„_... so some still call us angels." I hear him saying with a deep voice, but in a light tone. „I've always tried to correct this mistaken belief, but it's so hard to explain such a thing without resorting to notions that are already beyond the common level of understanding."_

„_It's the wings thing, sensei." Victor says softly with a quiet smile._

_I realise how much I __have__ missed him. How I __have__ felt his absence __ever__ since he was gone. It wasn't the sharp pain I was left with after Angii's leave. It was something more quiet, somehow like __a__ longing for a friend absent for years but whom you expect to see again some day. It was as if I knew, somewhere deep inside me, that I would meet Victor again. Why didn't I feel the same about Angeal? Why all the pain and sorrow?..._

„_...they don't know what they see. It's how the human mind works: to keep them sane, the things that go beyond their comprehension are slightly adapted to match their current beliefs. Feathery appendages, hmpf..."_

_Angeal chuckles lightly and my heart leaps __once more with this unnamed joy of simply hearing his voice again. Now I know there's an ‚elsewhere' beyond life and I can't wait to meet him there._

„_This puzzled me so much back then." he says._

_The tall man turns around to face him, his large cloak with sinuous patterns sweeping around._

„_You still have so much more to learn, young man!" he smiles patiently. „In the end the way they call us is not of much importance. Some others call us guides. But that's what we all are. Every being in the universe that searches for the light and follows it, becomes a guide to those around. They will see the light themselves and will try to follow it as well. Each being that has ever extended a hand to those who needed it and tried to protect and help another one, showed the others what they had to do as well, even without a word. And in that very moment they took their first step on the way to becoming guides. It __**is**__ that easy."_

_He stops and watches them, then finally he adds:_

„_And some, on that little world Gaia, call us Cetra. It is the same thing; in the old Gaian language they used to speak back then, ‚Cetra' is the word for ‚guide'."_

_I look at Angeal and he seems confused, as if there's something in his mind that this man's words have triggered. But he regards the man with great respect as I can see and so he doesn't dare to ask._

_Yet the man seems to understand or simply reads his mind, because he answers to Angeal's obvious thoughts:_

„_So yes, you are all Cetra. Your brother too. Haven't you put __things together already?"_

_He turns back to me again and watches me intently. Or this is how I feel._

„_All that pain and the confusion over what really means to be a Cetra and whether he is or not! And yet that little girl, that healer regarded to be the last one of her kind, was not the last at all. Your brother has always been a true Cetra himself. Just like you all."_

_I'm frozen in my place, plainly visible to him as I feel._

„_Because Cetra is not a race. __It'__s not a species either. Cetra... is just a way."_

_Somewhere there are some pieces that finally seem to fall in place and fit together. I can feel the strange connection that is certainly there, between me and this powerful and wise man, that has been there for a long time, like a bridge maybe forgotten and buried in a jungle but still existing lost somewhere. Even now I can't tell who he is and what he means to me and yet I know him too, I know him oh-so-well!_

_Certain that he sees me too, I try to lunge at him but the blast of light swallows me again and I am swept away once more._

* * *

The girl watched Sephiroth standing on the lighted spot, looking upwards. The simple, shapeless hospital pajama of that dull grey fabric hung awkwardly on him. The shirt, which they had unbuttoned earlier to let the air cool his skin when he wasn't feeling well, was slightly waving in the almost imperceptible breeze, unveiling his chest. The pants stuck against his bare feet, their ends hardly reaching his ankles. Long hair was brushing his body, a silver cascade falling all over him, embracing his arms and legs, caressing the light fabric of his outfit. She thought he was beautiful, despite his poor clothes. He looked like an angel to her anyway; all the more now, standing there bathed in brightness and with his hair and green cat-like eyes shining almost unbearably. She stood there herself, strained in anticipation, waiting to see whatever was to come.

For a few moments it seemed nothing would happen though. Then, all of a sudden, his left arm shot upwards at lightning speed – and she almost had the picture of an electric discharge actually erupting from his palm. Then a whirlwind seemed to envelop him entirely, while green wisps of energy, eerily glowing, crawled up his arm and extended in the air, giving substance to what the girl had thought to be a lightning. In the end everything just exploded in a ball of blinding light, so she had to cover her eyes. When the shining finally decreased to a bearable level, she creaked them open carefully and peered at him through her fingers, face still shielded with both hands. Her mouth almost fell open while she was staring in awe, rooted in place.

He was glorious.

His eyes were still pouring green light and his hair was slowly settling down, gently ruffled by the breeze. But the hospital outfit was gone. Now he was all clad in what looked like black leather – a coat reaching his ankles, only fastened on his waist, thigh-high boots, buckled above and under knees, a wide protecting belt bearing a strange symbol and with two straps crossed over his still bare chest. Fine leather gloves on his hands. A metal armor over his shoulders. And, at the end of his still stretched left arm, a shining sword of an incredible length pointed at the sky.

But none of these looked as amazing as the huge pair of white wings emerging from his back. No. Not white. They were the colour of the sun. Two sheets of light so bright you couldn't look at them. So large that they extended along the tunnel in both directions and up to the ceiling. No feathers to be seen, no bird-like appearance whatsoever, but she couldn't call them any other way but wings.

The long cloak flew around him, then came in folds over his legs. Hair rested down his back. He finally lowered his arm with the sword and let a smile grace his fine features. A rather smug smile, to be said.

„Wow!" she uttered in a rather flat voice. „That was... _something_."

He just grinned.

„Proud, are we, huh!"

She crossed her arms trying to maintain her impasiveness, but she had to admit at least to herself that she was clearly shaken. Talking about angels, yada-yada, was one thing. But actually seeing one... oh well!

Take this one gorgeous male for instance, with his ankle-long silver hair (oh yeah, it was silver alright, not white!) and weird-looking eyes (couldn't say why, but still they _did_ look weird for some reason) and dressed in that ridiculously short hospital pajama. Duh! Just another poor weirdo. Well, still an impressive _poor weirdo_, to be said...

But then again, take that same gorgeous male all clad in black leather, with thigh-high boots, shoulder armor, a sword even longer than him and, first of all in fact, TWO FRIGGIN' ENORMOUS WINGS SHINING LIKE THE SUN!! Oh well, that was suddenly a completely different story. _Now_ they were talking _angels_ – and it was the first one she actually got to see. She had to admit that she really was in awe. So hah, it was true what they said: the coat really makes the man and appearances DO count, no matter what people may like to pretend. Duh, you couldn't exactly see there on Earth, where she came from, men with silver ankle-long hair and wings of light stretching on a whole damn tunnel on a daily basis!

„Soooo, the shiny wings..." she muttered, pointing at them with a hesitant finger and not exactly knowing what she wanted to say in fact. Probably something stupid, like „are they real?" or maybe „are they really yours?" Stupid indeed!

She just received a deadpan look.

„Shiny wings." he repeated with a flat voice. „I only have a single wing. A _black_ single wing."

The girl sneered openly at him. Be this guy an angel or not, definitely he was lost.

„Oh really! Mmph, you might wanna take a look at yourself, _one-winged angel_."

Sephiroth's huge appendages curved forward seemingly all by themselves, circling him to enter his sight. Then his eyes literally bulged, threatening to fall out of their sockets and his jaw fell. All by themselves again.

The girl sniggered helplessly, then openly broke into laughter, staggering back one or two steps and leaning against the blond's shoulder. Some angel, indeed.

The blond sat on a piece of rail in front of Sephiroth.

„This is the real you." he said quietly, throwing a reproachful look towards the still giggling girl.

Sephiroth tore his gaze off the wings and peered at him over them with a dazzled look.

„I... never had these before."

The blond just shook his head.

„Oh yes, you had them all along. It's just that in your incarnated state only one would become visible when you came to the adult age, of 25 years. Happened to Genesis and Angeal too, didn't it? Only earlier, with them being a few months ahead of you in age."

„But... my wing was black." Sephiroth murmured. „Like Genesis'."

„Yeah. Well, then you must be a war angel." the blond said in the same quiet tone. „They would look black in a material form, or so I've heard. That's because war is related to death, so every angel specialized in war is an entity of death in a way. But your real self has them white, like any other angel."

Sephiroth folded the wings back into his body, with the look of someone who was doing it without exactly knowing how; a vague air of clumsiness seemed to float over him.

„It... feels funny somehow." he commented awkwardly. „Like, I don't know... having four hands instead of two."

A quiet chuckle from the blond.

The girl just shrugged and grunted.

„What's with the big sword, anyway?" she asked Sephiroth, in her down-to-earth way.

He gave his blade a loving look, waving it a bit to catch the sunlight on its length.

The girl rolled her eyes and muttered undertone: „Show-off!"

„It's called the Masamune." he finally answered.

One dark eyebrow went up.

„Oh? You mean like the legendary Masamune?"

„Legendary...? What are you talking about?" he watched her curious. „What do you know about this sword?"

She only laughed, cooly.

„Oh well, what do YOU know about it?"

Noone had ever dared to return his words back in his days as the General of SOLDIER. Then again, noone had ever dared to laugh at him. Well, except for Genesis maybe...

Pointless to dwell on _that_ though, now.

„Hmpf. Not too much, indeed.", he had to admit with a frown.

„Where did you get it then?"

Sephiroth smiled at the remembrance and she couldn't help thinking that he seemed much more comprehensible now, with his face softened by the obvious bright memory, than in his greatest moments of glory earlier.

Yes, it was a happy memory. Gen had asked him the same question at the time. And he saw himself again telling him and Angeal how, after a battle during the Wutai war, he ended up wandering through a thick forest and found a tiny lake hidden in a ravine. A cascade was feeding it and the water excess was spilling over the stone bowl's edge and meandering down a moss bed. He had hastily taken off his clothes with a sigh of relief and then dove into the water to clean the blood, dirt and sweat he was currently soaked in after the fight. And that was the moment he had found the Masamune, lying at the bottom of the lake.

First thing he had jumped out of the water, naked as he was, thinking that if a sword was there, then its owner couldn't be far away himself. He had searched the place all over, his own weapon in hand, but there was noone to be found. Then he took the Masamune and watched it in awe. It was perfect. A weapon so simple, devoid of any ornaments, with lines so clean and smooth, so perfectly polished, like a word of truth spoken from a god's mouth, materialized into the world. The moonlight was eerily glimmering onto its blade – a cold, white fire – and he had felt completely smitten. It fit so well into his hand as if it were an extension of his arm. It simply belonged there. As if either the sword had been designed especially to fit him or he was born to wield it.

He had tried all kinds of blows, swiftly waving it for hours, oblivious to the time passing, not being able to get satiated with the feeling of tremendous power being channelled all through his body, coming from the sword. The blade's name had come suddenly into his mind at some point, just like a remembrance of something he had known before and then forgot. After a while he noticed that the name was inscribed on the inner part of the guard, but he already knew it by then.

„It's a Wutaian-styled sword, someone must have forgotten it there." he had told his friends.

Angeal had been skeptical. Both he and Genesis snorted.

„Most of the Wutaians are short people. And, even if their stature were above the average, who do you think would be able to wield that?? Look at the thing, Seph, it's even longer than you are tall. A normal man with no mako in his system could hardly carry it, nevermind actually use it."

And he was right, of course. The voice of reason.

Surprisingly, Genesis didn't have much to say for once.

„Dear ole Seph!" he just mused, obviously having fun at his expense. „Wouldn't recognize a gift from the Gods even if it hit him in the head."

Maybe they were both right, Sephiroth pondered. He had never really thought of it. Until now. He turned around and eyed the girl intently.

„What do you know about the Masamune?"

She hardly moved a corner of her mouth into a half-smile. Still a bit malicious though.

„You... are from another world and yet a Masamune is there as well. Wouldn't that seem surprising enough?..."

She paused and stepped forward, stretching her arm towards the sword. He allowed her to touch the hilt, the guard, the blade. She just caressed them, still with that hint of a thoughtful smile on her face. No malice now. And strangely, a trace of green sparks followed her hand, emerging from the blade at her touch.

„Back on my world," she said meditatively, „Masamune was a sword-maker who lived hundreds of years before my time. There are still a few of his swords, as far as I can remember, and they are treasured by those who rule the country he lived in. Legends say the Masamune was a magic healing sword – one that would heal instead of killing. They say that one of his apprentices, called Muramasa, once challenged his master to see which one of them would create a better sword. When they had them ready, they put them in a water course, blades facing upstream. Muramasa's sword cut the leaves floating on the water perfectly in two, while Masamune's cut nothing, because all of them would simply be diverted by the blade. So everyone said Muramasa was the winner because his sword had cut everything so perfect in two halves. But Muramasa humbled himself in front of his master and said: „No, you are all mistaken. I am the one who lost, because I only managed to create a killing sword, one that would cut everything perfectly, yes, but still would hurt, would kill, while my master managed to create the perfect sword, the one to end all wars, the one to heal, not kill."

He listened to her every word, treasuring the story in his heart, but somehow with the strange feeling that it was something he should have known already, something he maybe even knew once and then forgot. Then raised the blade again, watching the reflection of the sunlight onto its surface, gazing at its beauty with a renewed knowledge and awe.

„Genesis, so you were right again." he almost whispered. „It really was a gift from the Gods, like your own sword."

The blond stood up beside the girl and nodded knowingly:

„Yes. It's an angel's weapon."

- - - - -

They resumed their walking through the tunnel. The blond was urging them to hurry up. They had spent already so much time there with Sephiroth's recovering and transformation and now they were eager to travel the rest of the way, though two of them had no idea of what would wait for them ahead. Wearing his combat boots, Sephiroth was walking much faster now and the only one left at a disadvantage seemed to be the girl, until he just scooped her with one hand and carried her further on with ease.

„Hey, I can still walk, y'know!" she grumbled in protest, though managing to look only vaguely annoyed.

„I know you can, so that was not the point." Sephiroth retorted. „By the way, there was one thing I wanted to ask you for some time now..." and he stopped, looking at her as if asking for permission.

„Shoot." she daid dryly.

„Hmpf. You seemed to know our guide before and he said it's always a close person that comes to collect us. What is he to you, if I may ask?"

A blank gaze met his eyes.

„He used to be my boyfriend... when he was alive." she finally spoke, reluctantly circling his neck with one hand to steady herself on his arm. Damn this man, she felt as if she were a bird sitting on a tree branch! Totally awkward!

Sephiroth grunted with a frown.

„Oh. That so."

She gave him that indecipherable look of her.

„He's dead for over ten years from my time now." she said impassively.

He gave her a deadpan look in response.

„So no, I didn't try to kill myself, if that's what you were thinking."

„No." he agreed. „You just stopped living, somewhere along the way. You didn't seem to want to leave that dreadful place. I mean noone keeps their memories there, but I still knew I wanted to go back to where I was before."

Her gaze just slid aside.

„Are you so sure they want you back on that world of yours?"

Sephiroth stopped abruptly, silver eyebrows raising questioningly.

„Oh? You know something I don't?"

A shrug.

„I just know we're not the be all end all anywhere."

He watched her for some time, resuming his march along the tunnel, still carrying her with just one arm.

„What if you are?" he suddenly asked, after a while.

She gazed at him curiously, through narrowed eyes.

„What do you mean?"

„I mean what I've just said: what if you really are? What if you've always been that way and you just let it pass? Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe we really are the be all end all in each and every one of our worlds and it only depends on us to acknowledge this and act as such? That we can save ourselves and everyone else around just as long as we don't give up even when things seem to go completely wrong?"

„Do not judge me." she almost snarled at him, unconsciously tightening her grip on his neck.

„I'm not. I am just trying to understand why in the world you ended up there, in that horrible place. I mean I am a warrior. A most powerful one. But even I got defeated. Yet I didn't give up even now. Why did you?"

„Maybe you were born that way.", she retorted dryly. „A warrior that is."

„Hmpf. Genesis said it doesn't really matter what you were born to be. In the end it's what you choose to be that makes the difference."

A frown.

„You always speak of this Genesis guy. Who is he after all?"

Sephiroth smiled to himself.

„Genesis is my brother." he answered simply but with obvious pride. „And he's a warrior too. That's what he chose to be."

She watched him in silence for a few seconds maybe and her eyes flickered, something strange shining for a moment inside them. Just a transient image, in the blink of an eye, but it was enough to strike Sephiroth like a lightning, almost making him stop again. For a moment she seemed to look at him from another world of silence, loneliness and sorrow. But then her gaze slid back to its normal expressionless state and she just shrugged.

„Oh well. I am no warrior. Never was, never will be."

And he felt the anger rising inside him once again, but also a need to shatter her sealed self, to break the shell in which she had been hiding for so long, just the way the blond had done it earlier with him. He had found his path already, he knew that now and he felt compelled to do the same for her. He needed to put her on her true way; it was just something he felt he really had to do. Maybe that was what being a guide was all about. You couldn't stay impassive anymore. You just had to awake the light in everyone. You had to put them on their own paths, to show them they were there already, in the correct position, only still blind. If that was it, then he could understand it.

He put her down between the rails, in one of the spots lighted by the sun, the way the blond had done with him before.

„Alright," he said, „now it's your turn. What I did before, you have to do it now. It's time to break that wall you hide beyond."

She just threw him a very dry look.

"My, are we bossy!" she grumbled undertone.

He bit his lip to dam up his anger.

"This is uncalled for.", he said with a sullen mien. "I am just trying to help you."

"Oh, that so? Well, guess what, pal, maybe you should ask me first if I'm in need or search for help.", she retorted harshly.

A long gaze was all she got in return.

"You _are_ in need of help." he almost whispered.

Then he just sighed and for a moment his proud stance seemed to wither a little.

"Look, I know that, even if I may have been the great general of the army back on Gaia, this means nothing to you. And I kinda lectured you earlier, but that wasn't my intention. I… feel that there's great value in you and I was just trying to point that out to you. I didn't want to sound patronizing-"

She raised her hand abruptly to halt his speech.

"Stop it! Just stop it now. Don't apologize to me."

She sat down on a piece of stone fallen from the ceiling, circling her knees with the arms. He hesitated for a moment, then sat down beside her. She sighed resigned, slumping to rest her forehead on her knees. She didn't want him to know that she had no idea what to do or how. And yet she couldn't even understand why she had snarled at him so bad. Why didn't she want him to know her weaknesses and flaws? He had already humbled himself in front of her even from the Terminal. A proud man and a warrior, yet he hadn't hesitated to say that he was sorry or to accept her help. Why wouldn't she do the same? It took a great deal of humbleness to be able to accept one's own weaknesses and need of others – and he obviously had this wisdom. Would she be able to even begin to be that wise?

"Why are you so hostile to me?" he asked her quietly.

Yeah, why. Why indeed.

She slumped even more.

"I don't know. I'm… it's not you. It's me."

"There's this rage inside you…"

"Yeah… oh, whatever. I hate to be told what to do. As if I shouldn't know already… Yet I know it somehow and don't do it. Uh… sheesh!!"

"I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. Just maybe, to… place you in the position to get what you need so that you would be able to decide that yourself."

"Yeah. Thanks… I guess."

Trifles. Yada-yada. Rock around the talk.

A sharp pang of pain suddenly stabbed her. She cringed, curling even tighter, head between knees, the burning heat of tears threatening to explode through her eyes.

Oh, dammit! DAMMIT!! Damn this! BLAST IT ALL!

Her head shot up and she watched him straight in the face.

"_It's because you make me see exactly how I am. And I feel lost. More than you were at the Terminal. __**I lost myself.**_"

There. She had finally said it.

His eyes were two blazing fires of green and he swallowed hard. He grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly, shattered himself beyond words.

"Let's do it together, NOW!" he finally said, intensely, and almost leapt up to his feet, dragging her along with him.

"You don't have to go alone through this. Through anything, you hear me? If we are here… if _**I**_ am here and I can help you, then how would I not??"

She, the blond, both had been there for him. His brothers, Gillian, Victor, they all did whatever they could to support him all along the way. And maybe others too of whom he didn't even know.

How could he not do the same for her now? He would use all his power to help her break the wall. She had already started!

They stood face to face in the shower of light and sparkling water from above. Their hands were knitted together and his eyes were glued on her face, shining with anticipation and with an open joyfulness that could seem strange to any other man, but not to the blond, silently watching them from aside.

There was a certain connection between them, he couldn't say what exactly it was, but certainly it was there for anyone to see it. And no, it had nothing to do with the mere attraction between a woman and a man. It was something else, something completely different.

A strong sense of kinship.

He began to wonder how random their meeting at the Terminal had really been. Oh well, he should have known, after all nothing in the universe was left at random.

Nothing was governed by chance. Sephiroth had been there for a reason. All of them were.

He watched them again as they stood there bathed in light, but now it already seemed that, somehow, the light was emerging from themselves instead of simply pouring from above. And there was something else that was still different than before, when Sephiroth had been the one standing into the light.

He tried to understand what this different thing could be.

The girl's gaze lingered on Sephiroth's hands, securely holding her own. A reassuring grip. She could also see the light that enveloped them and she, too, understood that it wasn't the same as it had been for Sephiroth before.

A soft, seemingly faint glow, impossible to put in words. Something alive filling the air around and freely making its way out of them and circling the two silhouettes like a steady wave of luminous clearness.

She wondered what it had been like for Sephiroth, what he had seen, if he saw anything at all. What was it that he felt.

But maybe knowing that wouldn't be of any help to her.

The wave of sparkling transparency swallowed them like a limpid stream as she felt a tremendous surge of power rapidly spreading from their connected hands.

And then, suddenly, she knew.

She realized she had known all along. She had forgotten at some point. She pushed away the knowledge, but now it was back. To stay.

SHE KNEW.

She watched their healing hands. Hers and his. Maybe he was a warrior – and a great one, to be said – but he was a healer too. And so was she.

All the passed years. All her life, divided between one world and dozens others. The world of wakefulness – of reality, as they called it. And the realms of dream. Interrupted at intervals by the wakeful state, but still keeping their continuity, their flow. The remembrance of other dreams coming to her within her sleep as memories of her past life. Or lives.

Little bugs resting on her small palm as a kid, with broken wings or legs, falling on their sides, squirming and tickling her hand with their wings. After a while they seemed to miraculously recover and they just flew away. She had thought that maybe they weren't really hurt, just tired or a little dizzy. She didn't know she was healing them in fact.

Her old dog, half limping, half crawling to come to lie beside her, whimpering in pain. Her hand moving along his body to caress his fur seemed to soothe him as he was slowly dozing cuddled against her legs. She didn't know she was really taking away his pain.

All the people she had touched, wondrously feeling better. All the people she had only listened, that said she soothed them even if she couldn't remember doing anything at all.

All of her dreams along the years, all of the lives lived there, in all those distant realms, all of the trials she'd been put through, all of the travels and fights and everything, as if somewhere somebody wanted to see what she could do, what she _would_ do when not only her life but others' would be at stake as well. Would she only think of herself, or at least first of all? Would she help others as well? Would she do that first, before thinking to save herself?

All these pictures sweeping over, through her, dancing around her, voices making themselves heard, resounding with the echos, warmness and chill and everything. Gathering around. Converging.

To the point where she finally knew they had not been dreams at all.

Her head shot up and her eyes met Sephiroth's steady gaze, still locked onto her face.

There was this bright thing inside him, plainly visible now to her look. Like a tree of light. No, more than this. A crystalline structure of a rare beauty, with countless branches emerging from a blinding core, extending in all directions and symmetrically dividing into thinner and thinner arms. An intricate multi-dimensional pattern resembling an endlessly multiplied snowflake or an ever-changing mandala, flowing like water and yet not changing its perfect shape.

She knew somehow that it was the imprint of his inner spiritual being, his own true form. She had seen the people like this before. Depending on how much light they let inside their beings, the structure looked more or less bright or regular. Some had it melted and twisted, looking darkened and withered. Sephiroth's was pristine and clear, without a fault. But the fact was that she had never seen two identical patterns before. Not even the twins had identical structures. Noone to her knowledge. It was something like the genetic code. There weren't two alike. And yet, as she gazed into Sephiroth's eyes, that perfect snowflake gave her a deep sense of familiarity.

And the blond, still watching them from aside, finally understood.

They were born from different parents, on different worlds, in different planes. They were as different as day and night. And yet, in spite of all these, they were twins. Not soulmates. More than that. The primal patterns of their beings were identical.

They were spiritual brothers.

This could only mean one thing: they were parts of an older entity that once had gained the approval from the Gods to split itself. This was a very rare occurrence and it only happened when something like the survival of entire worlds was at stake, or anything else like this. Were they the only ones? Was there anyone else, some other twin of theirs? The trinity had always ruled somehow the guides' existence. What if there was a still a third one to be found?...

A final surge of light swept over the tall silver-haired man and the girl. His long hair swirled around him and at some point it looked like a darker river had entangled its locks into the silver stream. Finally the two were openly smiling at each other while Sephiroth's moonlight mane and the girl's thigh-long wave of chestnut-auburn hair, as the blond remembered it to be once, long before, swished around them like a whirlpool.

Suddenly, the tunnel's prolonging arm behind them seemed to burst into shards and simply dissipate into the new surroundings. A grassy hill started its smooth ascend from the tunnel's ragged end, old tracks burying themselves into the ground, under the blanket of moss and billowing eared stems. Sephiroth and the girl were now in plain view under the sunshine and their long hair kept swirling, his – a straight silver cascade, hers – a wavy auburn river, mingled together all as one. The blond just smiled and waited.

Then three men stepped closer to him, to them, from three different directions. As they approached, they seemed to move to a tangent course, each tracing a large arc. Finally the three arcs converged into a circle and they continued to slowly move around Sephiroth and the girl until the blond, still smiling, took his place between them.

Then they all stopped at once.

**

* * *

**

Music listened in the making of this:

**Sarah Brightman – "This Love"**

**Enigma – "Beyond the Invisible"**


	8. To the light again 2: Departure

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**CC spoilers. ****The English translation of the CC lines belongs to Silenttweak, yes! Also many thanks go to my two betas: 'little dog' for her valuable corrections and Glau for the plot ideas.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**NOONE NOWHERE**

**Part ****8: To the light again – 2: Departure**

_I watched her all along. I saw the confusion in __her eyes. I saw the struggle, the understanding, the certainty. The knowledge._

_I saw them all._

_I know there's something that connects us. I feel it very clear and now I even think I didn't choose to talk to her at the Terminal only by chance. I think I was drawn to where she was._

_I don't know where she would go from here__,__ but I feel that we will meet again one day and this makes me glad and thankful. She helped me and I helped her back, but I didn't do it to pay the good she did to me. I did it because this is what we need to do. To protect and help._

_A guide's work._

_While I am still holding her hands in mine, I slowly be__come aware of what surrounds us and my eyes slide around._

_They're here. They came!_

_For a moment it's like I don't know where to stretch my arms first, but then I am already __scooped by both Angeal and Victor and squeezed between them in a hug, while my eyes fugitively register one of Victor's arms closing around the girl's shoulders as well. She looks slightly uneasy, as if she thinks she shouldn't be there, between us, but Victor only utters mirthfully:_

„_My children!"_

_He seems to know her and this, somehow, only serves to lift my spirit even more._

_Sheer happiness overwhelms me and I am in a daze, not able to pay too much attention to what's around. It's always been like this for me: I could never seem to fully adjust to happiness, it would always manage to take me by surprise. One moment I am held tightly by Angeal's strong arms, while I see Victor taking the girl by one arm and carrying her to the tall man with Wutaian-like eyes and a Masamune strapped on his back, then the next she seems to utter something and I see the much older man bowing his head a little to watch her; they talk more, all three of them, while I just can't tear myself from Angeal's arms, nor want to. Finally I catch the glimpse of a faint smile as he answers her in a deep voice:_

„_You're welcome back, young healer."_

_Welcome _back_._

_I don't have time to think of this, because Victor turns his head and calls us:_

„_Angeal, Sephiroth, come along!"_

_W__e stop in front of the old man and Victor bends his head a little and utters:_

„_Masamune-sensei."_

_I should have known._

_In fact I knew. And now it comes back to me again. My bow in front of him is deeper._

„_Swordmaster!" I say respectfully. I've never met him before, only heard of him from Victor's stories, as being his teacher and his master. An old legendary angel. Because he is the creator and the keeper of all the Masamunes in all the worlds._

_It had to be the girl to tell me that, to make me understand. He is the one who kept my sword until the moment I found it in that lake__, just the way Minerva had kept Genesis's magic runesword. I should have known already. Each and every one of his blades had to cut the water in search of its designated wielder, turning it into a healing stream to cure everything it would ever touch. The animals knew and understood this before us people and the next time, when I took Angeal and Genesis with me to show them the place where I had found my sword, all around the lake and along the brook meandering on its bed of moss we found countless animals that were waiting to heal their wounds or illnesses, tigers next to squirrels or rabbits, in perfect harmony. No fight, no killing, no shoving aside the weaker or the smaller ones._

_We should have known. We should have learned from them._

_His f__ace is ageless, his eyes seem to watch me beyond time, but they seem soft and caring still._

„_Young angel," he says keeping his smile, „you honoured your sword and I thank you for that. A good choice it was to give it to you."_

_My heart's beat is fast and my brother's grip on my arm is tighter._

„_Now it is time for us to go. You did what you were here to do and now another journey lies ahead. Say your goodbyes to those who accompanied you along the way and let us leave."_

_I longed for this moment for so long. Dear ones have come to meet me, as the blond had said and now I have all my memories back and so I can move on._

_And yet the regret is there, so sharp and clear. Our parting has come, so sudden seemingly, without me realizing how much we are bonded already._

_I find myself thinking of so many things I could have told them, of so many things I _should_ have told this girl I found waiting to die __at__ the Terminal._

_This _girl_._

_I grab her by the hand and her steady gaze meets mine, questioningly but open._

„_I... never even asked your name."_

_A __shadow of a smile with the vaguest hint of humour sparkling in her eyes._

„_It's Iarba."_

_Iarba. _

_Sounds strange. A name I've never heard before._

_A name just like no other._

„_Does your name have a special meaning?"_

„_Yes," she smiles. „Yes it does. In my language back on Earth, „iarba" means „grass"._

_So strange indeed. Many women from those I ever had to do with, were named after all kinds of flowers._

_Never have I met someone bearing the name of something so simple and humble. What proud mother would name her child like that?_

_I see the blond smiling knowingly as he says:_

„_It's because, yes, __we're the roadside grass, the grass everyone steps on and noone ever notices. Our modest flowers, almost invisible, sometimes not even regarded as such, can't ever compete with the glorious lilies or other glamorous flowers; but step on one of them and tear it; its beauty will be lost for good. We're stepped upon and flattened to the ground over and over again, but give us a few drops of rain or a gust of cooling wind and we'll be back on our feet again. And we will carry on forever. Of course her name is Iarba."_

_The girl – Iarba – just grins._

„_He's always oh-so-deep."_

_Her tone is mocking and easy, just like always._

_But she won't fool me anymore. I know we are the same. I know we are both healers._

_And I know that, beyond all these, there's something that connects us even more. I don't know what. Some day I will._

_I step towards her and, still awkwardly enough, I put my arms around her. I _want_ to do this. I wanted to do it every since she had opened to me earlier and let me help. I never hugged anyone outside my family – Gen, Angii, Gil and Victor._

_But she's family too._

_I see Masamune-san watching us with his steady __and patient gaze and I release the girl._

„_We'll meet again__.__"__,__ I tell her. I know we will for sure._

_She doesn't say a word, just looks at me without a smile this time._

_I shake the blond's hand and thank him for everything he's done. Victor and Angii say goodbye to him as well while Masamune-san, too, solemnly extends his good wishes to Iarba and the blond._

_Travelers on a railway track between dimensions and streams of time, we ready ourselves to follow our own ways._

_The time has come to step into the light._

* * *

**Music listened in the making of this:**

**Silent Hill – Promise**


	9. Between Here and Now

**Author's Note: Anyone out there not asking himself what lies beyond? This glimpse comes from a friend who stayed for three days in a coma after an accident. Sephiroth just happened to end up there as well. My fault at that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters, nor do I seek any profit from this fic.**

**Noone nowhere**

**Part ****9: Between Here and Now**

She watched them leaving, then stayed there for quite some time, still staring aimlessly at the spot she had last seen them.

Then finally she turned around and faced the blond.

"You know," she said, "after all this time… I thought I would have so many things to tell you. So many. And now I don't know what to say."

She paused and bit her lip.

"I mean… I was so used to have you around that after… you left, I started to imagine you were still there, right beside me. So everywhere I went I was talking to you in my head. I was showing you places, people. Pointing them to you. Telling you what I thought or felt about one thing or another. Imagining what you would say or do. But of course it wasn't the same. It was never the same. You weren't there for real."

The blond gazed at her and there was a certain hint of sorrow in his eyes that matched the pain in hers, visible now.

"Yes I was.", he almost whispered. "I was there. Each and every time you called me or thought of me, I was there in a moment. If you really believed it, you could have felt me. I tried to make you hear me, I shouted back at you, I answered to your every call. But I couldn't reach you. Because you just wished me back, but you didn't actually believe it would be possible to have me there for real."

Blue eyes met dark ones and sent their light and warmness once again, trying to melt the ice.

"There, let's sit down here for a little.", he invited her and they sat between the tall grass blades.

"I should have thanked Sephiroth for that, you know?" the blond mused. "Maybe if he wasn't there, if he hadn't found you before me to shatter your petrified self, it would have been too late for me to save you. I could have come too late. Maybe it was a higher power than each of us can comprehend that led him there to where you were, to shake you strong enough to bring you back to life… Or maybe it was just the guide within himself, I don't know."

The girl huffed bitterly.

"Oh yeah, it was the guide within himself that pushed him to come and nag me to tell him where he was. Good point!"

Sorrowful were the eyes that watched her. Light and caring the hand that came to rest over her own.

"Stop it.", he whispered softly. "Please don't hurt yourself like this. Sephiroth was so right, you just stopped living at some point."

She only smiled. A mere ghost of a smile.

"You know, when I was in the hospital before my first surgery and the doctors kept postponing it from one day to another for months, for fear that I wouldn't make it if they tried, I so wished noone would visit me from my family or friends. I kept telling them I didn't need anything and they didn't have to come to me over and over again – but of course they wouldn't listen. I just wished I would be let to deal with this alone. Maybe it sounds weird to you, but that was it and believe me it was for a damn good reason. I mean they all had these oh-so-hurt faces, trying to comfort me while it was so damn obvious to my eyes that they were in fact expecting _**me**_ to give them hope instead and ease their troubled minds. I just watched them and saw myself already dead and buried in their eyes – and it was friggin' maddening! Then they would say „oh don't worry, everything's gonna be alright!" and then look hopefully at me waiting for me to confirm it and tell them that „of course, I'll get over this alive and well, heh heh!!" What was I, some damn god to know that?!..."

She stopped and dragged her knees up to her chest, resting her forehead on them.

"Yeah, alright," she addressed her legs, "I just didn't have the will and energy for that. I was ready to go. I thought that was the best thing to do. To accept it and get myself ready for it. What was the point in fighting if it looked so damn obvious that I was going down that road anyway?"

"Then, when you thought like this, you really killed yourself."

She raised her head again, without looking at him.

"So what should I do now?", she asked, realizing that very moment that Sephiroth had asked the same question earlier.

The blond just smiled again.

"You've got your life back, haven't you? So live! And now you know you are a healer. So heal! And you know something? I look ahead and I can see you… oh well, I just have to show you this: it's such a beautiful picture I see!", he chuckled lightly and moved his hand as if shoving something towards her.

The sensation was somehow funny, like being in two places at once. She watched herself and was watched at the same time. The other Iarba was standing in a field, long hair swirling behind her in the wind, long grass waving up to her waist, hair and grass meeting and tangling together. Next to her there was that man – or angel – whatever he was, the one they had called Victor. There were others too, but they looked somehow like trustful sheep following their good shepherds guiding them throughout a dangerous realm.

"Yeah," said the blond mirthfully, "you'll make a fine guide yourself one day, you know that? I'm looking forward to it. Oh, and I'll help you anytime along the way."

She sighed.

"Hellooo, last time I checked you were still dead."

He laughed.

"Do I look dead to you? If death was the way you envision it, a complete dissipation or disappearance, would I be here to talk to you?"

"Yeah, alright, but I'll be _there_, back into the world of the living while you'll be _here_."

He shrugged without a care.

"There are still worlds where we have both access, y'know! You can visit them in your sleep – and sometimes even when you are awake. We will see each other again, be sure of that."

She wanted to believe him. This wish was written on her entire being, but still… He smiled reassuringly, wider than ever, the smile lighting up his face.

"Remember that favorite book of yours? The one written by that guy who used to fly the people all over the place for just three bucks? Remember the seagull's story?"

Obviously she did, though she seemed still confused.

"Yeah, but… I read that book after you… um, your leave."

Pause.

"Oh. Oh well… You know about it. So you were there with me of course."

He kept smiling.

"What was that guy saying? You used to know the book almost by hart."

Finally she gave a try to a smile and opened her mouth. They said it together:

"_Don't let yourself be saddened by good-byes, cause they are necessary before we meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends._"

She stopped there, but he still went on:

"Because _if we overcome space, then all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And, between Here and Now, don't you think we might see each other again from time to time__?_"

"Yeah.", she said. "Yeah, something like that."

The blond stood up and extended his hand, offering it to her.

"Come then. Let's make these last few steps together."

She took it and let herself be pulled up by him.

"Um… and this Sephiroth guy, will I be seeing him again, the way he said?" she asked trying to sound as impassive as always.

The blond chuckled, as if the question was expected.

"Heh! You know something? Come to think of it, you two are very much alike in all respects. Cranky and stiff, but only on the outside. With a heart of gold somewhere underneath this shell so hard to crack. You're just like twins, eh-heh! Oh well, how could you not be when your codes of light are identical after all?"

She threw him a long look. Codes of light. Hmpf, if he refered this way to those snowflakes inside their beings, of course that was impossible. They couldn't be identical.

"Yeah, okay." she grumbled shifting her weight from one leg to another. "Shall we go now?"

He gave her an amused grin.

"Oh don't you worry! Like I said, reunion is certain for those who are friends. You'll meet them all again. Sephiroth too, of course."

They climbed the stair of old stone slabs, almost completely swallowed by moss and herbs with tiny flowers. Ahead of them there was the border between worlds. A small gate made of twigs, in a low wattle. One could easily just step over it instead of opening the gate.

She gave it a light chuckle.

"I know this must be just the representation of an idea of sorts and maybe someone else would see a different thing. Yet you would expect some big stone archway with lots of ornaments and stuff or whatever else like this. Something really impressive, you know. I mean we DO talk about the border between the living and the dead! That should be some great thing. If someone sees this small fence here, then we might end up buried in a tsunami of bad movies about the dead leaping over this fence and flooding us."

He laughed openly hearing that.

"Oh well, it happens all the time, at least figuratively speaking. It's just we're strictly spirits over there. No bodies whatsoever, duh!"

Another chuckle.

"You know, I wish I could fly like Sephiroth one day. And not just to be able to get over some fence", she mused.

"Mwa-ha, wish granted.", he mockingly saluted, then added: "Nah, just kidding. You know already how to fly. Haven't you dreamed of that before?"

"Yeah, but those were just dreams…"

"Oh really!"

"Wait a minute! So you think I can... Nah! No way!"

"Heh-heh!!"

She took her hand from his and turned around to open the small gate. It had a very primitive system with a stick and a kind of rope loop. She was just about to pass through it, but stopped and turned again. He was already there, his arms stretched both towards her and a warm and open smile – and she slid naturally into his embrace.

She had dreamed of that all along. So many years of loneliness. Such a long time since she had last felt his arms embracing her. She knew he wished her to be happy, but between knowing and actually living it, she had always remained caught somehow into that realm of emptiness and sorrow, like a little insect frozen within the depths of a crystal. She could finally touch and feel him again now, his warm and slender body against herself, his arms around her as she stood there squeezed at his chest and felt like never letting go again. His love and care were pouring over her, finally melting what was left of the iceberg that once had been her heart. Sephiroth had started that only a little earlier and now the Blond was doing the rest of it.

The moon as a brother, the sun as a lover. Wasn't she lucky, or what?

She stood there for as long as she could, basking into his so much more than only physical warmness. She wanted to remember how that felt, to be there close to him. She would never forget again.

"I…"

"Yeah, I know.", his kind voice came, almost a whisper, as he took her head between his hands and gave her a soft kiss. "It's alright. Just as long as you will remember that there are worlds where we can meet again, all of us. And we sure will."

At last they broke the hug and she turned and crossed on the other side, then closed the gate and fixed it with the stick.

"Then be it not farewell, just see ya!", she smiled and waved her hand.

He watched her climbing down the path. It was more abrupt on that other side and somewhere down the route, in a large valley, the city could be seen the way it really looked, but in a different place and time. She only took a few steps, then turned her head and widely grinned at him.

After that she waved her hand again – then suddenly she just dove into the air, her arms spread like a pair of wings.

And simply flew away.

* * *

**Music listened in the making of this:**

**Staind – "Outside" – theme of still bitter Iarba (heh, dunno if anyone noticed this, but it's the same piece I used for Seph in chapter 1; this should mean something, you know)  
Staind – "So Far Away" – that's for Iarba too, but for the renewed one, the Iarba that finally accepts herself  
Nickelback – "Far Away" – for the Blond  
****(yeah, I know, I don't listen to only one song when I write)**


End file.
